The bottom line of this perhaps rather long narrative, is not, as I initially started out as a perhaps green, green badge cab driver, who did not move to the valley of Diesel “Ilford” with the obligatory new cab, wife, mortgage and two kids.

No one more surprised than I at the realisation of what has materialised, a first hand description humiliation and deprivation of the British working class from the 1930's.

This erosion brought about entirely by deliberate policy of successive governments.. and the ten draconian years of Tony Blair who deliberately, for whatever reason, encouraged the influx of irrepresible waves of the World's disenchanted onto these shores, by doing so, creating a powerful, intimidating, devisive weapon against the indigenous labouring masses and a hard core of … crime, poverty and unemployment… the triple iron fist of all governments,plus Enron, 9/11, Afghan conflict over oil, Kosovo all emphatically used by Blair; any outcry was by "politically incorrect racists" as Dr David Kelly was to find to the cost of his life.

The differential between rich and poor, is greater now, than during the Middle Ages.

Mid-day, Sunday; August 28th; 1977

Bank Holiday
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It is quiet.

I am straight. Possibly straighter than I have ever been.

The atmosphere is quiet... the house is quiet. Am able to see exactly where I am in this spectrum .... able to see exactly where I am not. Able to see that if I ceased to exist now, this moment in infinity, then the moment would not be inopportune. Quite definitely, have reached a plateau. Either die now, or struggle on, but has it been such a struggle? ... maybe 80% of the struggle has been in my own head... with my worst enemy ... myself.

With regret, I can only say, as before, as ever, sit, wait, fornicate.

With all my inverted acrimonies, still believe, beneath it all "The evenings, mornings, afternoons ... measuring out my life with coffee spoons..." that my life has been a good one, considering the relatively small amount of effort I have physically put into it.
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There are, at this moment, now four of us in this family ... the addition being an Italian Girl ... our Au Pair! who laughing resists all my devious efforts in corrupting her, such has been the power of the Catholic Church in brainwashing her. When the Catholic organisation gets hold of anyone, they make a remarkable job of them. I am in a curious position of living with two young women who have both been extensively, to Convents.
Hardly know what to write about that.
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