The bottom line of this perhaps rather long narrative, is not, as I initially started out as a perhaps green, green badge cab driver, who did not move to the valley of Diesel “Ilford” with the obligatory new cab, wife, mortgage and two kids.

No one more surprised than I at the realisation of what has materialised, a first hand description humiliation and deprivation of the British working class from the 1930's.

This erosion brought about entirely by deliberate policy of successive governments.. and the ten draconian years of Tony Blair who deliberately, for whatever reason, encouraged the influx of irrepresible waves of the World's disenchanted onto these shores, by doing so, creating a powerful, intimidating, devisive weapon against the indigenous labouring masses and a hard core of … crime, poverty and unemployment… the triple iron fist of all governments,plus Enron, 9/11, Afghan conflict over oil, Kosovo all emphatically used by Blair; any outcry was by "politically incorrect racists" as Dr David Kelly was to find to the cost of his life.

The differential between rich and poor, is greater now, than during the Middle Ages.

Thursday, Aug ; 17th. 1995. 3.30.p.m.

Very hot. It has been hot, dry and so very noisy for weeks.

Somewhere back in this story, mentioned the ending of that first trip.. our initiation.. it had not been altogether easy, we had been, and were too be, sitting ducks for these extremely shrewd, relaxed females.

My life now being wound up.. at least, a attempt. This flat on the Market to be sold, no conception where I will go.. what I will do.. Not, above all, will I go to Pattaya ..other than for a trip. No, not that mistake. Cynthia has mentioned Bucharest and living with her.. Gratified with the thought... the offer.. could possibly be problems, anyway what would I do with myself after having played around a little? All my family having worked until they dropped.

My sister repeatedly asks why I finally want to move out? am I sure!.. there is no answer, simply know that it is time. Time will not be denied.

Maybe tired of the shadows, memories that will not fade. Tired of the thirty nine steps. Maybe not wanting to go as so many other Cab Drivers, unprepared.. years younger than I, broken men. Big Eddy, hanging out his washing on a Monday morning.. lifted his arms up and promptly fell down.. his huge body never to move again.. sum total of his dreams and expectations coming to zero. Told him to sell the house and do something with the money.. not have a new porch built, new carpets laid, however, his son has done quite well...thank you.

Again mention that my Father gave me £2 for my journey to Australia, hardly intend spoiling the situation and leaving my scattered progeny anything more. "The Wind" certainly, not that in the trees, either...my Mother's remark, not even a few empty Guinness bottles.

Friday afternoon, gone One o'clock. Extremely hot in the Sun, children playing games on the Common, cooler than the classroom. Black men in string vests, baseball caps, dark wrap round sunglasses, flying up and down in white, Golf GTI convertibles.. Dustmen disposing a weeks bottles from the pub, heavy banging from the garage next door.. a mad house.

A few men flopped over the benches, no shirts, pints of beer lined up before them, oblivious .. mentioned many times why had I never been allowed their mentality? ..to simply sit.. do nothing.. talk endless emptiness.. in ten hours they will be shouting and fighting each other in the street.. the women having arrived to stir them all up, arrived by taxi, on foot, some smartly dressed, others, the eternal jeans/ T shirt.. Makes no difference, on the grass, back of the car, against the wall.. it all comes down to the same Lowest Common Denominator..

Women establishing their position simply, by means throughout time, of closing or opening their legs to suit whichever purpose. Would like to feel that I am out of their reach, but looking at the more outstanding, incredible females plotted up around Town in the hot afternoon Sunlight .. know that even now, I am still so vulnerable as the next man.

To anyone who asks the question, only able to say that there is no answer..
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