Sit here now, four o'clock, a warm, wet January morning, alone as always, as ever. A certain sadness engulfs me, so many female faces strewn across my life. Without exception, all demanded the intangible. All demanded more than I have ever been capable of giving, without exception, none ever gave me anything or offered anything in return, other than the obvious, maybe, even this, a reluctance. Cynthia certainly raised my hopes, anticipating, apparently, my every thought, my every move, never able to do enough for me, but she, unable to sustain the fabrication, inevitably crashing out under the pressure. My refusal to be as other men ... my lack of acquiescence. I had warned her, she knew this manuscript off by heart, never really wanted to listen ... too intent on her own objectives. The 'Marriage' had lasted Eight Weeks, twenty days altogether***.
Find myself looking towards Pattaya once more ... Never been very far from my mind, although knowing every facet, every crack in the pavement, every smell on the street ... The exotic bird singing to me each morning in the clear azure warm skies ... The small bunch of bright flowers each morning, my offering to Buddha.
Right at the very back of all this present turmoil, always, perhaps, have the notion of one day, may pack my bits and pieces... disappear, lose myself in the obscurity, mystery, of Thailand.
***or so I thought then... It's now 2010. Cyn still here with me.
Niciun comentariu:
Trimiteți un comentariu