Stepping into the streets of Bangkok,... simply stepping into another world, could feel the beat of seething humanity. Unlike Australia.. a different heat, a different atmosphere.. We tumbled into a strange, three wheeled, brightly coloured contraption, trundled off along the weirdest road anyone could visualise, stared curiously at by myriad smiling faces flying past us in huge buses, belching dense, black smoke. These ragged, windowless vehicles having only one pedal.. the accelerator and a loud horn blown continuously. Possibly, from those initial moments I began to wonder where I had been all my life.
Disentangled ourselves outside the Grace Hotel. Directly opposite, a ramshackle building denoting that it housed the best V.D.Clinic in BKK, food for thought.. Then, we had not seen anything!
It would be very difficult for those millions immured in the depths of Coronation Street.. East Enders.. the Australian soaps. Difficult for them to come to terms of what did happen next.. in the real world.. A world devoid of any softness, any social pandering, a total disregard for anything other than survival.
It was about four in the afternoon ..their time.. We had sorted the rooms out, I had finished up with Jimmy, the others had one huge room to themselves. Unpacked, showered, ready for the off and some food.
Asked about the "dining room" in all innocence.. Smart Thai man directed us to this extremely large hall ..very dark, tables all laid up, white cloths, jugs of water, cutlery set, bright posies of flowers, very few punters. Sitting right at the back thought I could see a large number of women.. so dark, they so far away, disregarded it. Sat down. Everyone stuffed the serviette round their collars, spreading it out over their shirts, rather like anyone would with a small child.. We must have looked a pretty muggish lot... Couple of young women started serving grub to us, then, suddenly, aware my fork and knife had a mind of their own, someone behind me holding their hands over mine, small, soft , beautifully manicured, hands, bright green nail varnish.. Before I could think about this, became aware my trousers being unzipped from under the table.. Looked at the others, all in the same boat. Must have been a dozen girls swarming over us.. hands everywhere.. all I could think was "What a way to die". Totally impossible to eat, they ensuring our only appetite was for them.
Without too much formality, we were dragged off, almost carried, much to the amusement of the Thai's lounging about and the few other punters who evidently knew the score. These girls had quickly realised we were raw recruits and went to work accordingly.
The last thing, Berni paying out wads of Barts to the waitresses hurrying after us, his tie, shirt, trousers undone, shouting "Nah then!" "Nah then, wots all this?!" ... apparently in some disarray, some bewilderment!. Thailand.. was his idea..!
There is no explanation.. how Jimmy and I finished up with one lady.. when there must have been one thousand to every man.. Berni said we were a "Couple of Shnorra's" in some disgust.. But that is what happened.. She, no beauty either.. she had other assets.. sexually tireless.. we had a great deal of time to make up Jimmy and I .. had that much in common. His years of being a Scout Master stood him in good stead.. always prepared for her.. so many deviations. becoming obsessed with her in those first couple of days.. Insisting we changed over at the exact time.. then being impatient, unable to wait, jumping straight in at the other end... three's up from then on.. The rest of the Gang wandered about "seeing the sights" I only saw the ceiling of our room from between her legs.
The hall porters quickly realised what was going on .. if we did leave the room, even for a hour, we would return to find one of them.. back to our door, holding his hand out.. Immediately became pissed off with this.. paying twice. Just then Berni had another piece of information.. a place called Pattaya somewhere down the road.. This, to his information, was the place to be.. not being screwed by all and sundry in BKK. Jimmy refused to leave our loved one, under any circumstances!
The rest of us trundled off, booked a exotic ride in a air conditioned, fast bus to Pattaya. All very pleased and excited about this, something odd, a mystery about the place, few had been there.
Time to wait, a few hours. Drifted off for some food, a saunter round the hot streets.. Went down to Patpong, girls up on the bars, amongst the glasses, bottles, the ashtrays, dancing to the heavy beat, rubbing their bodies against chromium poles, nothing more on than a G String, coloured number stuck to their breasts.
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