Carmen in Naples

Jenny said little at my suddenly producing a carrier bag putting a suit collar and tie on, treated myself to a raincoat from M & S ... tried to make myself look less like a road tramp, more like a human being. Had let myself go over the years, vague stirrings in me regarding breaking away from the mundane from my own introverted self... it had been a very long time since I had carried a Passport. Why I felt slightly guilty hardly know, ...open resentment at my move, as if I had not watched her pack and go wordlessly for years, my position taken fully for granted ... she asked quietly 'when would I be back ?' her wings clipped for the time being. Momentarily a smile tried to climb into my face at this reversal, no, went quietly down the Thirty Nine steps ... better not to let her see my thinking, she considered herself able to read every idea in my head .... Maybe, just maybe there were still a few things she did not know, still life in the Old Dog.

More than I knew! The plane over Naples in dense cloud climbed twisted, banked almost on its wing tips, any moment convinced it would be our last, convinced that the Pilot was more than slightly drunk, what he was doing was not in the book, remembering this from my days of flying in Adelaide. Looked for Carmen in the dense crowd, she was almost furtive ... a complete change in her, yet unaware that the Catholic Church and her parents now, once again, fully dominating her life. Not evidently, strong enough to keep her from me completely. This would be going against the very strength of Nature itself.


We went to a Hotel ... initially she refused to come to the room with me... even when she did, her rigidity took some believing. Where was the Passionate, tearful, warm, erotic Carmen? Who was this cold, tremulous, creature standing stiffly in the hot, noisy room?, traffic thundering by, outside the shuttered window.

Suddenly pissed off, walked out of the Hotel fell into a battered Cab unconcerned she had followed me. Gradually it all came tumbling out... The parents, the 'boy friend', the Church, what her friends would say, what the neighbours would say... the whole package. Realised how tortuous her life was, how free she must have felt with me in Hackney, free of all the constraints imposed by a feudal Society ... especially on women's virginity ... she had obviously committed 'The' crime. It took some talking before feeling the bottom of the situation. By now, Carmen smiling, my hand firmly between her thighs, to her total red faced embarrassment as if the driver, the arbiter of morality. One thing I can do is chat a bird ... something found necessary at a very early age, only improved with the passing of time....A very long journey... asked why so far from her parents place? Evidently trying to keep me away, but she had already found sufficient strength from me to take my arm as we went up the wide staircase to her apartment.


The whole place marbled, floors, walls... surprised at the comparative opulence. The whole place also, full of people. Brothers, Sisters, Uncles, Aunts, the complete family gathering. Without doubt, Carmen the star of the establishment, this maneuver, this break, this iconoclasm on her part something that left them breathless, curious and waiting.
..
Certainly my reception was warm, everyone dutifully smiled. Huge table full of food. Allowed to sit next to Carmen who now gained confidence by the moment. Everyone gabbling away as if no tomorrow. Apparently she had managed to get these people to 'accept' that I was simply a friend of hers, after all I did have a wife and a child... that was her story and she was sticking to it. Had been briefed not to look at her and not to touch her in 'That Way' under any circumstances, some trepidation on her part over this, knowing what I am. Dutifully, behaved myself, straightened my tie, said all the right words, tried to appear extremely interested. People started to smile at my deceptive front, visibly relaxing, how could they have thought that such a 'nice' man could have possibly had designs on their daughter?... he was so much older... so mature. What would a young girl see in him! ... The Father become quite affable, bringing out the goodies, Carmen very pleased with herself over the deception, that I had been invited to stay at the apartment, by the mother, of all people. Maybe she simply wanted to keep an eye on the situation... For my part Jennifer, Mark, Hackney were forgotten. Warm, the Sun streaming brilliantly through the high windows. Began to feel like someone I used to know... a younger, happier Peter, someone not weighed down by the very effort of existence, not waiting eternally for Jennifer, not always waiting for something, something vague, indefinable.