Vie's Proposition

Dubious about the proposition being offered to me by Vie. As many other situations it looked good... in the daylight... other men, doubtlessly, would jump blindly in, delighted at the change in their fortunes. No longer having to live in a poky room, having, theoretically, a master bedroom, overlooking open fields, a large new vehicle in which to drive about, a woman who would “tend his every need” this last one being the larger of the question marks.
The nights concerned me... no longer able to creep out in the soft darkness, watching the shadows, to see if they moved a chance meeting, the whispers, the rustle of clothes being pulled away, the momentary annihilation of all my thoughts, my fears. Security? … At a price.
Was it time for me to “Settle down with the Lawn Mower?” to accept the loss of my own self? The terms did look attractive; the small print......poised a certain problem.
Certainly I played along, Vie and I going here, there and everywhere. She, in a black Astrakhan coat......with a round matching black hat rather resembling a page boy... I, looking at her...thinking of other females, not loosing my head between her legs, always conscious. The function, mechanical... like driving, only part on the job... the rest calculating my position. Yet, deep down I knew this was another situation where I was unprepared to make a “commitment” which is “the” word on every ladies’ lips. Bluntly, to work like a dog both at business and in the “Home” a virtual slave round the clock, while the lady sits back, watches... an affectionate pat. Or “no knickers off tonight” scenario. Hardly blame the Ladies. If the men wish to become the underdog in every sense, it is their lookout ... don’t forget "Mother’s Day!!” .......I have never acquiesced, other than in the initial stages.


Vie slowly became aware of my reluctance in the bedroom, to work hard at making her comfortable, to tend her every need... she never said anything... more by looks she conveyed her faint displeasure, small things, the odd remark, not quite giving up that she may be able to twist me round to her way of thinking. As other ladies, Vie had done her sums concluding if I worked on the cab twelve hours a day, we could live quite well, without in any way touching her capital. There are thousands of broken down Cab drivers who have fallen for that one, not counting those dead before their time... brain hemorrhage, heart attack, a “Blow Job” in the Granby Car park... enough to kill some of them, their constitutions being so worn out. Old, young men, so tired, so harassed, so compressed, wending their weary way to the far outlying parts of the Metropolis at two, three and four o’clock, streets silent, dawn breaking gently in the Eastern sky, key in the door, house silent, family sleeps, the sit wearily down, the inevitable cup of tea, the heavy footsteps up the stairs, wife, stiff, silent, in the warm bed....
The end of yet another day................l

Not quite the situation which ever appealed to me.

With Ruth, life had been easy. Long afternoons in Epping Forest, long days at Southend. Always liked that place from childhood, going there in the bright red coach or the train from Liverpool Street. Everyone always so excited, such a short trip down the line, hastening towards the Pier, clutching our buckets and spades... to get our glimpse of the "sea". Invariably the tide being out... out about two miles, no one cared. We could have been a million miles from Hackney, such was the feeling it gave to us. That childhood romance with Southend always lingered.
Ruth at first quite put out by the suggestion of going in our smart red Mini. "Southend! … Who goes there?"

Vie would occasionally come here to this flat, she liked to take her clothes off, her thin, flat body on my huge bed. The Sun, a strong shaft of yellow obliquely through the window panes, stretched itself along the room, reflecting itself on the mirror walls. Vie put out by seeing herself naked in front of a man conceivably for the first time in daylight, seeing herself whichever way she looked, even looking at the ceiling... a birds eye view, my body sprawled on top of hers.. Most reluctant to remove her clothes initially... a lifetime of hiding her body, only removing the necessary parts in total darkness.

We had been sitting on the bed... nowhere else to sit, never having possessed the "Three Piece Suit”.. Never been guilty of that. She looked more than self conscious… simply pushed her backwards... no protestations, dug her finger nails into my hands... the expected, inevitable turning point in her existence.
Over in such a short time... I went, made the tea, leaving her sprawled, face down, naked...The Sun had hardly moved its position across the room.
The assumption, I never really felt anything, correct.
"I had known it all... Known it all already"
Liked the lady, yet, at the back of my mind always lingered the memory of the time she turned me out of her house where I had been living, sleeping rough on the floor. February, three o'clock on a darkening rapidly, winter afternoon, the snow, gently falling. Thick white flakes on grey, ugly streets. Fred had never come to my assistance in this matter; he simply hid upstairs in the lounge.

It had been a long time previous, maybe she thought it forgotten.