"Peter.. I am offering you a good deal"

Summer became Winter.

Still not right in the brain box...burying myself in other people's problems helped... My life, quite full enough on the face of it.. I kept telling myself it... Unconvinced...

One evening.. sitting here in the flat. The phone rang. Brenda.
...Would I go round to her immediately?

Sounded so very pleased with herself and life, maybe she had won the Pools.. refused to say what the occasion may be..

Rang the new door bell on the new door.. Saw her coming down the stairs through the glass.. really dressed up. Smiling.. held my hand, back up the stairs.. flat finished, last pieces of furniture finally in place. Went into the living room.. "Just so" polished black round table in traditional wood with four strong matching chairs with arm rests, carpet, flowers, tea already made.. silver teapot, two cups two saucers, sugar, spoons, everything set out on a embroidered table cloth... no kids... charming.

She opened her arms.. a gesture towards the warm comfortable room "Do you like it??"
I was deeply suspicious.
It did occur to me that I had been in such a tight position before, all this show, hardly for nothing, not my birthday, not Xmas... it could only be one thing.

"The time has come " The Walrus said.." to think of many things"

I knew precisely what Brenda was thinking.

Waited. She poured the tea.. amazed at the silence, so different from Hackney. Tea spoons rattled loudly against china cups. Sat back in her chair gently pulled her dress down over her long legs.

"Well!" she started "What do you think ?" My throat went quite dry, reached for the tea cup held it against my face, not wanting her to see too much of it. Smiled by way of a answer, a rabbit confronted by a Tiger Snake... felt along those lines.. Then she struck.

"Peter.. I am offering you a good deal"

Indeed she was.

Thought of the Glaring Man, wished, rather he were here, in my place.. he would have made all the right responses, would have beamed, held her hand, kissed her.. gone down on his knees... put his head on her lap and said

"Darling.. I love you ..I will do anything for you !"

Game, Set and Match! Brenda Smith .. a straight Victory.

Hardly that. Brenda watched me like a Hawk, had done her homework, everything planned to the last meticulous detail. In her mind no man would, could refuse that which she had to offer. Looked good and knew it, smiled encouragingly. Sipped her tea, peered at me over the edge of her cup, poised delicately in her fine, thin, manicured, fingers, the third one on her right hand, bare.

This she was holding out to me, all she needed to complete her life... The Ring…the encirclement ! …..the commitment .
Waited.
Could hear the clock ticking quite clearly, although time itself hung interminably still for those few moments.

Slowly, very slowly it dawned on her, all the carefully construed plans had brought no appropriate reaction from myself.
Twisted her face in displeasure.
As ever, as always... drove the old Cab back, across the Marshes, could see the grimy Tower Blocks, Hackney, beckoning me in the distance. The Pub... its people, muted music from inside... bright lights .. another option.. one my mother had taken to shore up the isolation, the loneliness.. I had spent too much time outside Public Houses waiting for her, to follow along that road.

"Be a good boy, don't run away.. just stand by the door... I will bring you a glass of lemonade and a packet of crisps.. I won't be long.........."

She would disappear. I would prepare myself for the long wait into the night.