The bottom line of this perhaps rather long narrative, is not, as I initially started out as a perhaps green, green badge cab driver, who did not move to the valley of Diesel “Ilford” with the obligatory new cab, wife, mortgage and two kids.

No one more surprised than I at the realisation of what has materialised, a first hand description humiliation and deprivation of the British working class from the 1930's.

This erosion brought about entirely by deliberate policy of successive governments.. and the ten draconian years of Tony Blair who deliberately, for whatever reason, encouraged the influx of irrepresible waves of the World's disenchanted onto these shores, by doing so, creating a powerful, intimidating, devisive weapon against the indigenous labouring masses and a hard core of … crime, poverty and unemployment… the triple iron fist of all governments,plus Enron, 9/11, Afghan conflict over oil, Kosovo all emphatically used by Blair; any outcry was by "politically incorrect racists" as Dr David Kelly was to find to the cost of his life.

The differential between rich and poor, is greater now, than during the Middle Ages.

"And would it have been worthwhile?. The mornings, evenings. afternoons...."

Sunday. 9th July. 1995. 4.p.m.

It is 80 deg.. Melody Radio oozing out musical syrup for the masses and me.

Have sat here, hardly knowing what too do.. it is beginning to look as if it hardly matters any longer…… if it ever did.

Rang Cynthia a couple of times... although knowing that her kids have fucked the phone up.. Rang her Mother, half hoping Raluca was still there... All this, another story if I get that far, not relishing another year's slog at this machine.

Went to my sisters at Stevenage on the motor bike yesterday, the oldest Rocker in the business.. flew along the A.10 trying hard to hit a ton on the beast.. would not have it.. really, think I lost my bottle. Edging over 90, when I felt brave enough to look. Most marvellous colour my skin has turned, only wearing a pair of trousers and boots.

Was never to see Mark or Jennifer after the madness. Simply disappeared, such a silence, such a very long time. Often during the nights when I sit here, often think that they are dead.. but considering my other children whom I have never heard from over a even greater period, my fears are probably misfounded.

My eldest Son decided he would speak to me.. on the phone... cause for congratulations.. wondered what? You have a grand daughter... I remained silent, not realising any particular significance to this, until he mentioned that I also had fifteen grandsons... Australia House had a very cheap deal when they had let me get there for ten pounds! They should pay me. His parting shot.. should he let me have a list of their birthdays!

Considered his message. Not a great deal to show for my life. A whole lot of people on the planet down to the solitary sailor. People I can only guess. What happened to Charlie's boy? What Happened to Charlie? come to that. There are others.

That and 150.000 words put together over twenty years, if and when I finish.

.."And would it have been worthwhile?. The mornings, evenings. afternoons...."


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Quotations from T.S.Elliot. "The Wasteland"
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