Mid day, sunny calm, quiet, in this attic... what more can be asked?
Aura and the other ladies have been somewhat eclipsed by the events of September 11th…
A long think since the climax of that day in history. What I have written over the long years, has been vindicated by event in far greater terms than I envisaged.. a blow to Capitalism from within.. a blow it will continue to reel from .
Any fool could see the Financial crash was inevitable .. the stock market had been in decline for two years.. This incident in New York, a amazing get out for so many foundering capitalist organizations.
The long lingering pilots disputes over redundancy pay and pension due to the decline of air traffic was settled instantly. Planes grounded, airports locked, thousands of people, without further negotiation, without any compromise, unceremoniously dismissed, as has always been the capitalist way. The same merciless treatment given to many thousands of others….simply thrown out onto the street ... literally.
A God send to the top 2% of this Planet.
Salvation yet again….
“Terrorism” and “A State of Emergency” being the excuse… Their excuse… their get out.
Se afișează postările cu eticheta Aura. Afișați toate postările
Se afișează postările cu eticheta Aura. Afișați toate postările
The Costinesti Encounter.
Tuesday, August 14, 2001..
Another diversion , so quickly am I overtaken by events
On the sixth Of this month, I was, we were, Cynthia, Laura and I at Costinesti on the Black Sea, a place quite comparable to Pattaya…
7.30 a.m. Glorious , hot.
In the chalet next to mine, a older man sitting on the step with a can of beer , looking rather the worse for life. A early starter, I thought . Hardly took any notice . Cynthia came out , immediately greeting this gentleman,
“Oh ! Hello Bernt !! “
“ You know him??” I said, curious.
“Yes , of course”
“ Is it the Belgian man ?”
‘No, it’s the German Man’
“What German man ??”
‘You know.. the one who ran off with Aura! “
Looked at him , looked at Cynthia. Aura..!! German !! did not recognize him.. seen him once or twice before, but he had aged considerably. Looked at him ………
asked the $50 question… ??
‘Where’s Aura ??”
“I left her…” He said deceptively.
Smiled at this, thinking, that’s alright, satisfied..…
Wondered what he was doing here in Costinesti ??
‘Leaving now ..do not like the heavy music “ he did have a point… music??! Decibels… ! twenty four hours every day.
Said to him ‘It’s cheap…”
“Money is of no consideration to me’
Well, I thought . lucky you. Aura gone.. God knows where .. He here… Peter not really thinking too clever..
Laura sitting idly watching all this, taking it all in.. swinging her body to the music plugged into her ears, looking so delicious in her topless nothing, long hair to the waist, skin the colour of bronze.
He looked at her ..looked at her again.. looked at me and disappeared inside his little wooden hut, popping out again with a small child and his junk ..all packed.
Asked whom the child may be ? he quite glib, saying it belonged to the woman he was with, naturally I assumed he had picked up someone with a child.. odd.. but my mind still engrossed on Aura.
He looked at Laura again and announced he was leaving immediately, now.
Laura played it up to the hilt pouting at him… crossing her legs provocatively.
A child came out fully dressed and this woman stepped out after it.. She slightly overweight… dressed.. no one dresses in Costinesti, It is a situation of undress.
She had a green two piece suit on, black, low heel shoes, hair, immaculate, as if she had just stepped from the saloon, only the briefest glimpse of her as she quickly turned her back and strode off ……..”up the garden path”, so to speak.. and they were gone …
Thought to myself “That’s a funny turn out”
Anyway, ten minutes later he comes back, breathless, quite apparently agitated, some pretext, it being he was looking for his watch , told him it was on his wrist.
Could see he was very confused, see he wanted something, other than the watch….
He rushed into the room banged about for a few seconds and came out, obviously having made some decision.
Actually I am married to Aura !!.. been married to her for two months !!:
I, Quite shaken.. very shaken.
‘Was that her who walked out ??”
He said “Yes”
Immediately blew my top
“Why the fuck didn’t she say Hello!! After all I did for her?? She is entitled to say hello.. not simply ignore me”
“Well.. she does not want to speak to you “
“Typical of all of them , none want to say thank you, everything that woman is , irrespective , is what I made her, she was a nonentity, now quite obviously, she is a something, a something to be reckoned with.
He thought it was going to develop into trouble, but I calmed down..
He, seeing the change, became fatuous.. Uriah Heep.. said quietly:
“ Could I ask you a question??”
“Can if you want”
“Did you have sex with Aura ???”
Looked at him straight in the face.. I don’t believe this.. what has Aura told the silly bastard
“Did I have sex with Aura !!!? ”
When did we ever stop having sex!!…What a question…
“To be perfectly fair, now that you are married to her I really cannot answer “
He persisted “Do you have any erotic photographs of her ???”
“Only the one you stole from my apartment…”
Forgot to mention she was the most photographed, most filmed, most fucked, most erotic, most sensuous woman I had ever met .
He was not happy .
Asked where she may be? said she was sitting in a taxi up the road ..Suggested he had better go. He hardly wanted that , he wanted more, more about the woman.. the woman he had so blithely married, a whole barrage of questions which I demurred at..
Eventually he came up with…
"How is it I find $100 bills and 50 mark notes in her pockets ?"
Parried that one saying "Perhaps I gave them to her..”
“No this was after you”
What a stupid bastard..
Aura is obviously still “At It” and she is extremely clever at the ‘game…’ I never knew what was going on until I was told.. The last to know.. Even when the woman in Enescu screamed at her for being a ‘Prostitute” a countered angrily by saying she had made a “mistake!!” never for a moment thinking otherwise.. Men are both blind and stupid when it comes to the other sex, when it comes to the very edge of the precipice.
Clever woman, Aura, loves her occupation, as so many do....
When his back is turned .. same as when mine was.. in England, grinding away on the streets, she in Bucuresti, grinding away on a bed or anywhere, actually.
Thought ..”Well fuck you, you stew in it” ….she has sucked him in and blown him out in bubbles.
Ignoring my initial outburst, had become quite calm. I taken so back , that this unglamorous woman I had just seen was Aura, evidently been partaking of the German cheese cake without consideration to her figure…
Dressed!! She hardly wore enough to cover her fanny when she was with me, Costinesti is a place where everything is let go… people are semi naked
He could see I was elsewhere with my thoughts . His final shot
“ What do you think I should do about her!!?
“ What do you mean? what do I think you should do..??? you married her.. who’s the child ??
“ Oh.. that’s Aura’s nephew”
Fucking Aura..!! she has married the man.. goes to Germany with him.. drags him back to Costinesti.. drags some kid round with her , no doubt to alleviate the boredom….. Auld lang syne!!!
Perhaps she wanted to rekindle a spark of the past, there certainly is not now the slightest spark in the man she married.. married him for what he could give her……..I smiled.. still did not say anything ..let the silly bastard stew in her juice, Done him up like a kipper… indeed she has.. She so clever as any Thai Lady. My best pupil……
Why I did not recognize him being, all the aggravation, the struggle he had with her, has simply aged him. Looked reasonable when I last glimpsed him in the photograph she showed me of them together, they looked the business.. but that was a year ago and time is relentless, remorseless. Infinitely without mercy.
Here was a man, married for thirty years, with three children Aura’s age, now divorced, up to the neck with alimony and Aura shackled to him.
I can only ask , as ever, why are men so stupid ?
Realizing I was not going to give him anything of the past .. he fucked off with a final look at Laura who had intently paid attention to this odd encounter
Quite honestly, once I took a deep breath and thought about it, I was really knocked, really knocked.
How can this be!!
Aura to me, in my eyes, was such a wonderful person, so erotic, so sensuous all the time. One man was useless to her, she was always suggesting her desire for more than one man, as with SOS who knocked off 23 men in one evenings’ entertainment, hardly think Aura has beaten this.. yet…without doubt she could, will …insatiable..
As he walked away, perhaps thinking out loud… said
“I’m going to watch her”
No doubt with reference to the mysterious money in her pockets…
What an attitude to take between what is a fact.. man and wife…
Here is a man married two months to this young woman, she blatantly back to her favorite occupation ..doing what she is best at and getting rewarded for it.. Fair enough…, I am unable to sympathize, I never saw her game, why should he have ?? Unable to sympathize with the man, any man.
Men are stupid when it comes to a woman. I know not one who has come out in front regarding a female.
Mesmerized.. indeed I was… But I, always aware, as written previously, that it would end .. the ending, how it ended, a very big surprise to Peter.. really underestimated what a brilliant strategist she was.
No, Aura disregarded what the man she married was, closed her eyes , wanted his being.. his access to the West, his identity , at any cost… even being a alcoholic, even that !
There were other things against him. His marriage , his children. He did have a good job with Lufthansa which helped. He was a German citizen, which is what she always wanted.. to go to Germany. To escape from Romania, as so many females.. All anxiously willing to stand up, or lie down, anywhere and obviously, with anyone… for a exit visa.
If she had waited one more year she could have gone anywhere in Europe without him……
So she achieved.. at a price.. So many of her uncertainties swept away by this strong move. Free of the University, free of the thought of semi starvation, free of Peter.. The two secure years she spent with me, the education I gave her. Her serious grasp gained of the English language.. all very sharp arrows to her armoury, Peter fully putting her on her feet, all this, no doubt, carefully calculated. All at a price.
As have said so many times, there is always a price and she paid heavily .
Now, sitting here , with my drink this calm Sunday morning, Cynthia at church .. I can only cross myself ….
Ace , King , Queen, Jack.. in numele, Tatalui si Fiului, si Sfantului Duh, Amin….. I, deeply sorry for her. The fact she had not chosen to confide in me, the insidious deception, the treachery, a bitter disappointment.
I have lost a great deal of the remaining hope, hope carried continuously throughout my existence, over this short, sharp, encounter.
The feeling I have about her now is that she is dead…
Dead inside me.
Smile to my face once it sank in she has come back here to Costinesti, a place where all her inhibitions and hang ups, she did have plenty…were thrown to the wind, with her clothes.
Our first time on the so secluded, languid, beach, I had to rip her bikini off .. after that she never wore anything, regardless of the of the odd man who casually walked so close to us .
Suppose she remembered all this, what other reason did she come back to the Black Sea for??
So far from Frankfurt.
What choked me is that she went back to Costinesti …Peter.. must have realized the odds were short, a good chance of meeting.. knows I am always there.. Now at the chance of the face to face ..she refuses..
To think it was only a few weeks ago I wrote about the remote odds of seeing her again.. and it has come up, like winning the lottery…and in the next Chalet !! there must be a couple of hundred, yet she was next to me… Fate played a wry card..
No answer to this life.
No answer to fate
No answer to the twists and turns between love and hate.
No answer to the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune.
No answer to Aura, or any other woman on this Planet.
Sunday, August 19, 2001……… 4:06 PM
*****************************************
Another diversion , so quickly am I overtaken by events
On the sixth Of this month, I was, we were, Cynthia, Laura and I at Costinesti on the Black Sea, a place quite comparable to Pattaya…
7.30 a.m. Glorious , hot.
In the chalet next to mine, a older man sitting on the step with a can of beer , looking rather the worse for life. A early starter, I thought . Hardly took any notice . Cynthia came out , immediately greeting this gentleman,
“Oh ! Hello Bernt !! “
“ You know him??” I said, curious.
“Yes , of course”
“ Is it the Belgian man ?”
‘No, it’s the German Man’
“What German man ??”
‘You know.. the one who ran off with Aura! “
Looked at him , looked at Cynthia. Aura..!! German !! did not recognize him.. seen him once or twice before, but he had aged considerably. Looked at him ………
asked the $50 question… ??
‘Where’s Aura ??”
“I left her…” He said deceptively.
Smiled at this, thinking, that’s alright, satisfied..…
Wondered what he was doing here in Costinesti ??
‘Leaving now ..do not like the heavy music “ he did have a point… music??! Decibels… ! twenty four hours every day.
Said to him ‘It’s cheap…”
“Money is of no consideration to me’
Well, I thought . lucky you. Aura gone.. God knows where .. He here… Peter not really thinking too clever..
Laura sitting idly watching all this, taking it all in.. swinging her body to the music plugged into her ears, looking so delicious in her topless nothing, long hair to the waist, skin the colour of bronze.
He looked at her ..looked at her again.. looked at me and disappeared inside his little wooden hut, popping out again with a small child and his junk ..all packed.
Asked whom the child may be ? he quite glib, saying it belonged to the woman he was with, naturally I assumed he had picked up someone with a child.. odd.. but my mind still engrossed on Aura.
He looked at Laura again and announced he was leaving immediately, now.
Laura played it up to the hilt pouting at him… crossing her legs provocatively.
A child came out fully dressed and this woman stepped out after it.. She slightly overweight… dressed.. no one dresses in Costinesti, It is a situation of undress.
She had a green two piece suit on, black, low heel shoes, hair, immaculate, as if she had just stepped from the saloon, only the briefest glimpse of her as she quickly turned her back and strode off ……..”up the garden path”, so to speak.. and they were gone …
Thought to myself “That’s a funny turn out”
Anyway, ten minutes later he comes back, breathless, quite apparently agitated, some pretext, it being he was looking for his watch , told him it was on his wrist.
Could see he was very confused, see he wanted something, other than the watch….
He rushed into the room banged about for a few seconds and came out, obviously having made some decision.
Actually I am married to Aura !!.. been married to her for two months !!:
I, Quite shaken.. very shaken.
‘Was that her who walked out ??”
He said “Yes”
Immediately blew my top
“Why the fuck didn’t she say Hello!! After all I did for her?? She is entitled to say hello.. not simply ignore me”
“Well.. she does not want to speak to you “
“Typical of all of them , none want to say thank you, everything that woman is , irrespective , is what I made her, she was a nonentity, now quite obviously, she is a something, a something to be reckoned with.
He thought it was going to develop into trouble, but I calmed down..
He, seeing the change, became fatuous.. Uriah Heep.. said quietly:
“ Could I ask you a question??”
“Can if you want”
“Did you have sex with Aura ???”
Looked at him straight in the face.. I don’t believe this.. what has Aura told the silly bastard
“Did I have sex with Aura !!!? ”
When did we ever stop having sex!!…What a question…
“To be perfectly fair, now that you are married to her I really cannot answer “
He persisted “Do you have any erotic photographs of her ???”
“Only the one you stole from my apartment…”
Forgot to mention she was the most photographed, most filmed, most fucked, most erotic, most sensuous woman I had ever met .
He was not happy .
Asked where she may be? said she was sitting in a taxi up the road ..Suggested he had better go. He hardly wanted that , he wanted more, more about the woman.. the woman he had so blithely married, a whole barrage of questions which I demurred at..
Eventually he came up with…
"How is it I find $100 bills and 50 mark notes in her pockets ?"
Parried that one saying "Perhaps I gave them to her..”
“No this was after you”
What a stupid bastard..
Aura is obviously still “At It” and she is extremely clever at the ‘game…’ I never knew what was going on until I was told.. The last to know.. Even when the woman in Enescu screamed at her for being a ‘Prostitute” a countered angrily by saying she had made a “mistake!!” never for a moment thinking otherwise.. Men are both blind and stupid when it comes to the other sex, when it comes to the very edge of the precipice.
Clever woman, Aura, loves her occupation, as so many do....
When his back is turned .. same as when mine was.. in England, grinding away on the streets, she in Bucuresti, grinding away on a bed or anywhere, actually.
Thought ..”Well fuck you, you stew in it” ….she has sucked him in and blown him out in bubbles.
Ignoring my initial outburst, had become quite calm. I taken so back , that this unglamorous woman I had just seen was Aura, evidently been partaking of the German cheese cake without consideration to her figure…
Dressed!! She hardly wore enough to cover her fanny when she was with me, Costinesti is a place where everything is let go… people are semi naked
He could see I was elsewhere with my thoughts . His final shot
“ What do you think I should do about her!!?
“ What do you mean? what do I think you should do..??? you married her.. who’s the child ??
“ Oh.. that’s Aura’s nephew”
Fucking Aura..!! she has married the man.. goes to Germany with him.. drags him back to Costinesti.. drags some kid round with her , no doubt to alleviate the boredom….. Auld lang syne!!!
Perhaps she wanted to rekindle a spark of the past, there certainly is not now the slightest spark in the man she married.. married him for what he could give her……..I smiled.. still did not say anything ..let the silly bastard stew in her juice, Done him up like a kipper… indeed she has.. She so clever as any Thai Lady. My best pupil……
Why I did not recognize him being, all the aggravation, the struggle he had with her, has simply aged him. Looked reasonable when I last glimpsed him in the photograph she showed me of them together, they looked the business.. but that was a year ago and time is relentless, remorseless. Infinitely without mercy.
Here was a man, married for thirty years, with three children Aura’s age, now divorced, up to the neck with alimony and Aura shackled to him.
I can only ask , as ever, why are men so stupid ?
Realizing I was not going to give him anything of the past .. he fucked off with a final look at Laura who had intently paid attention to this odd encounter
Quite honestly, once I took a deep breath and thought about it, I was really knocked, really knocked.
How can this be!!
Aura to me, in my eyes, was such a wonderful person, so erotic, so sensuous all the time. One man was useless to her, she was always suggesting her desire for more than one man, as with SOS who knocked off 23 men in one evenings’ entertainment, hardly think Aura has beaten this.. yet…without doubt she could, will …insatiable..
As he walked away, perhaps thinking out loud… said
“I’m going to watch her”
No doubt with reference to the mysterious money in her pockets…
What an attitude to take between what is a fact.. man and wife…
Here is a man married two months to this young woman, she blatantly back to her favorite occupation ..doing what she is best at and getting rewarded for it.. Fair enough…, I am unable to sympathize, I never saw her game, why should he have ?? Unable to sympathize with the man, any man.
Men are stupid when it comes to a woman. I know not one who has come out in front regarding a female.
Mesmerized.. indeed I was… But I, always aware, as written previously, that it would end .. the ending, how it ended, a very big surprise to Peter.. really underestimated what a brilliant strategist she was.
No, Aura disregarded what the man she married was, closed her eyes , wanted his being.. his access to the West, his identity , at any cost… even being a alcoholic, even that !
There were other things against him. His marriage , his children. He did have a good job with Lufthansa which helped. He was a German citizen, which is what she always wanted.. to go to Germany. To escape from Romania, as so many females.. All anxiously willing to stand up, or lie down, anywhere and obviously, with anyone… for a exit visa.
If she had waited one more year she could have gone anywhere in Europe without him……
So she achieved.. at a price.. So many of her uncertainties swept away by this strong move. Free of the University, free of the thought of semi starvation, free of Peter.. The two secure years she spent with me, the education I gave her. Her serious grasp gained of the English language.. all very sharp arrows to her armoury, Peter fully putting her on her feet, all this, no doubt, carefully calculated. All at a price.
As have said so many times, there is always a price and she paid heavily .
Now, sitting here , with my drink this calm Sunday morning, Cynthia at church .. I can only cross myself ….
Ace , King , Queen, Jack.. in numele, Tatalui si Fiului, si Sfantului Duh, Amin….. I, deeply sorry for her. The fact she had not chosen to confide in me, the insidious deception, the treachery, a bitter disappointment.
I have lost a great deal of the remaining hope, hope carried continuously throughout my existence, over this short, sharp, encounter.
The feeling I have about her now is that she is dead…
Dead inside me.
Smile to my face once it sank in she has come back here to Costinesti, a place where all her inhibitions and hang ups, she did have plenty…were thrown to the wind, with her clothes.
Our first time on the so secluded, languid, beach, I had to rip her bikini off .. after that she never wore anything, regardless of the of the odd man who casually walked so close to us .
Suppose she remembered all this, what other reason did she come back to the Black Sea for??
So far from Frankfurt.
What choked me is that she went back to Costinesti …Peter.. must have realized the odds were short, a good chance of meeting.. knows I am always there.. Now at the chance of the face to face ..she refuses..
To think it was only a few weeks ago I wrote about the remote odds of seeing her again.. and it has come up, like winning the lottery…and in the next Chalet !! there must be a couple of hundred, yet she was next to me… Fate played a wry card..
No answer to this life.
No answer to fate
No answer to the twists and turns between love and hate.
No answer to the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune.
No answer to Aura, or any other woman on this Planet.
Sunday, August 19, 2001……… 4:06 PM
*****************************************
Friday, July 27th ….2001.
As said so many times over the years, difficult to keep picking up pieces of my existence , so much occurring by way of distraction.
Now nine months since Aura and I parted with such bitter hostility, have not seen her, which hardly means I have not thought about her. My only conclusion is that it was a tragedy .. a strong word … perhaps, but I hardly sit and think for so very long without coming up with a few well placed words.
Aura falls in the category of Jennifer, AndreeA ..someone who will not go away from the back of my brain, ever, someone I will always watch out for, but never see again. There have been one or two exceptions to this, but the odds are heavily against.
I resist going to those places we always went….the park “The” park where we strolled on the summer sunny afternoons, she looking quite incredibly attractive in her short skirt, showing her long legs, her brief tops showing all of her which discretion would allow.. ..The looks we received from those squatting on the benches in the shade, they looked and actually stopped talking while we passed, their eyes following us ..a unusual “couple ‘ to say the least.
No, such moments in eternity are stamped indelibly, they are but “moments” against the reality.. A very harsh one.
Her deception of Peter, done with the skill of a professional, has never ceased to amaze me,. a simple country girl originally ….
Invariably, without exception, they all have bitten the hand that fed them. No doubt, she applied the same effort to her double life as passing her solicitors exams… with deep determination.
Played her part all the way to Otopeni Airport, where, I am told, she waited patiently for the German to arrive just a few hours after my departure, such impeccable timing…
Not quite so blatant as Pa at Bangkok Airport when she picked up the Swiss man, actually in the airport while I was waiting for a baggage check, she did look a million dollars, with her hair platted Thai fashion, down below her waste, a white bolero top which concealed nothing, briefest of white shorts and high heeled shoes supporting her five foot nothing exceptional chassis. Midnight and the place had almost come to a standstill staring at her.. She waved and smiled at me Returned to Pattaya with him in the cab I had paid for.. told me this with some hilarity.
No deception on her part… No treachery… we played by the rules…
Aura played for Aura … I can never even start to forgive her for that.
Possibly, to other people, my life has at least been different, then, as I have reiterated to all the those who hang back from changing their lives, that which I have, what I appear to have, is something I have worked for.. worked for consistently, maybe unconsciously, working to this vague undefined end, to sit here in Bucuresti, this glorious sunny morning, in relative peace and dare I say it, with comparative few problems. Only in such backwaters of time am I able to sit, wait, fornicate…….. write.
Now nine months since Aura and I parted with such bitter hostility, have not seen her, which hardly means I have not thought about her. My only conclusion is that it was a tragedy .. a strong word … perhaps, but I hardly sit and think for so very long without coming up with a few well placed words.
Aura falls in the category of Jennifer, AndreeA ..someone who will not go away from the back of my brain, ever, someone I will always watch out for, but never see again. There have been one or two exceptions to this, but the odds are heavily against.
I resist going to those places we always went….the park “The” park where we strolled on the summer sunny afternoons, she looking quite incredibly attractive in her short skirt, showing her long legs, her brief tops showing all of her which discretion would allow.. ..The looks we received from those squatting on the benches in the shade, they looked and actually stopped talking while we passed, their eyes following us ..a unusual “couple ‘ to say the least.
No, such moments in eternity are stamped indelibly, they are but “moments” against the reality.. A very harsh one.
Her deception of Peter, done with the skill of a professional, has never ceased to amaze me,. a simple country girl originally ….
Invariably, without exception, they all have bitten the hand that fed them. No doubt, she applied the same effort to her double life as passing her solicitors exams… with deep determination.
Played her part all the way to Otopeni Airport, where, I am told, she waited patiently for the German to arrive just a few hours after my departure, such impeccable timing…
Not quite so blatant as Pa at Bangkok Airport when she picked up the Swiss man, actually in the airport while I was waiting for a baggage check, she did look a million dollars, with her hair platted Thai fashion, down below her waste, a white bolero top which concealed nothing, briefest of white shorts and high heeled shoes supporting her five foot nothing exceptional chassis. Midnight and the place had almost come to a standstill staring at her.. She waved and smiled at me Returned to Pattaya with him in the cab I had paid for.. told me this with some hilarity.
No deception on her part… No treachery… we played by the rules…
Aura played for Aura … I can never even start to forgive her for that.
Possibly, to other people, my life has at least been different, then, as I have reiterated to all the those who hang back from changing their lives, that which I have, what I appear to have, is something I have worked for.. worked for consistently, maybe unconsciously, working to this vague undefined end, to sit here in Bucuresti, this glorious sunny morning, in relative peace and dare I say it, with comparative few problems. Only in such backwaters of time am I able to sit, wait, fornicate…….. write.
Dana
Wednesday, 31st January, 2001. 10.a.m.
There has been a lull in the proceedings since that meeting with Aura, I have continued to exist, a comfortable existence, Very few words coming into my head , mostly struggling with the past, perhaps just another sign of living too long.. tend to live in the past quite a lot, then it is nothing new with me.. look backwards, in fact, not only do I look backwards, think backwards. I write backwards, this aspect perfectly apparent to anyone who has held on to these words for so very long, all five books. You need a medal for persistence… sheer bloody mindedness.
As myself , possibly hanging on, waiting to see what will happen to the old man. I, hanging on for that one reason only , refusing to take the last exit, why should I subject myself to more pain..? have had more than my share. What will happen ? what can happen? As reiterated in the past , as reiterated so many times, most of my friends are dead, those who have not been released have suffered some quite bad experiences.
Aura not shown since that last night, described above, I no longer expect to see her, other than by accident, to meet her, other than by accident, as with AndreeA in the Unirii Metro.. that so brief encounter.. our last.. apparently a lifetime ago.
During the last couple of weeks I have , shall we say, attempted to "replace" Aura, with a young lady, twenty one years old, who reminds me somewhat, of a taxi which will not start.
Looking at her, as most of the others, one would think . 'Oh yes! quite attractive!!" , when you lift up the bonnet and look in the brain box, find all manner of things wrong, which need repairing, need time, need patience and invariably, need money.
Usual story.. the "boy friend.." a soldier, in this particular case, with her five years ..went away and married someone else, after one month changed his mind and wanted the original filly back. The inevitable repercussions of that, swore to herself she would not have sex for one year as a punishment , hardly know whom for ..only herself… When Peter dutifully tried, he did not get too far, although there was no resistance, still did not get anywhere.. if that makes sense.. think about it. . Another Susan, another Aura , who more twisted up than she ? so much work straightening her out. Always find the mental cripples, cripples in the brain box, or they find me.
There has been a lull in the proceedings since that meeting with Aura, I have continued to exist, a comfortable existence, Very few words coming into my head , mostly struggling with the past, perhaps just another sign of living too long.. tend to live in the past quite a lot, then it is nothing new with me.. look backwards, in fact, not only do I look backwards, think backwards. I write backwards, this aspect perfectly apparent to anyone who has held on to these words for so very long, all five books. You need a medal for persistence… sheer bloody mindedness.
As myself , possibly hanging on, waiting to see what will happen to the old man. I, hanging on for that one reason only , refusing to take the last exit, why should I subject myself to more pain..? have had more than my share. What will happen ? what can happen? As reiterated in the past , as reiterated so many times, most of my friends are dead, those who have not been released have suffered some quite bad experiences.
Aura not shown since that last night, described above, I no longer expect to see her, other than by accident, to meet her, other than by accident, as with AndreeA in the Unirii Metro.. that so brief encounter.. our last.. apparently a lifetime ago.
During the last couple of weeks I have , shall we say, attempted to "replace" Aura, with a young lady, twenty one years old, who reminds me somewhat, of a taxi which will not start.
Looking at her, as most of the others, one would think . 'Oh yes! quite attractive!!" , when you lift up the bonnet and look in the brain box, find all manner of things wrong, which need repairing, need time, need patience and invariably, need money.
Usual story.. the "boy friend.." a soldier, in this particular case, with her five years ..went away and married someone else, after one month changed his mind and wanted the original filly back. The inevitable repercussions of that, swore to herself she would not have sex for one year as a punishment , hardly know whom for ..only herself… When Peter dutifully tried, he did not get too far, although there was no resistance, still did not get anywhere.. if that makes sense.. think about it. . Another Susan, another Aura , who more twisted up than she ? so much work straightening her out. Always find the mental cripples, cripples in the brain box, or they find me.
Dark Thoughts
But I am really buzzing over the treacherous bitch.. hardly see myself recovering for a very long time.. Conceivably, I never shall.
This dark thought has occurred to me, the slow realization of how close I had become to her, how deeply entwined, how much of my life, myself, she had abducted, absorbed. My loss of her in the night, in the darkness, in the silence, holding her so very tightly, only now this amputation becoming painfully apparent. A void appearing at my feet, a heavy palpitation in my chest.
The initial shock, taken me to my bed.. invariably my answer, Cynthia hovering about me , I having to finally admit that she is the heroin of the twentieth century and this protracted diatribe, a difficult admission after struggling for so long against reason, hardly reason when it comes to two people entwined.
After the Australian fiasco went to bed for two years, rather to the dismay of my mother who suddenly found herself confronted by a situation she did not want and a man she had not seen in a very long time and perhaps, had tried to forget.
Silent after my outburst.. my temper, after getting the knife out and throwing it on the floor in front of Aura, she, too far gone to completely appreciate this point .
Suddenly gathered herself together, looking about as if surprised to find herself once more in the so familiar apartment, the so familiar surroundings, the so familiar room.. as if waking, a long dream, saying..
"Have to go now, have a cab waiting downstairs." ….
Surprised at her affluence, then , quite obviously, she is full of surprises , some not quite so pleasant as others.
Wound my way down the spiral staircase with her .. gave her some money. .never watched as she walked away from the house, into the night.
Cynthia had never said one word, not one muscle of her body had moved, not so much as the flicker of a eyelid.
Without doubt, she thought a great deal.
This dark thought has occurred to me, the slow realization of how close I had become to her, how deeply entwined, how much of my life, myself, she had abducted, absorbed. My loss of her in the night, in the darkness, in the silence, holding her so very tightly, only now this amputation becoming painfully apparent. A void appearing at my feet, a heavy palpitation in my chest.
The initial shock, taken me to my bed.. invariably my answer, Cynthia hovering about me , I having to finally admit that she is the heroin of the twentieth century and this protracted diatribe, a difficult admission after struggling for so long against reason, hardly reason when it comes to two people entwined.
After the Australian fiasco went to bed for two years, rather to the dismay of my mother who suddenly found herself confronted by a situation she did not want and a man she had not seen in a very long time and perhaps, had tried to forget.
Silent after my outburst.. my temper, after getting the knife out and throwing it on the floor in front of Aura, she, too far gone to completely appreciate this point .
Suddenly gathered herself together, looking about as if surprised to find herself once more in the so familiar apartment, the so familiar surroundings, the so familiar room.. as if waking, a long dream, saying..
"Have to go now, have a cab waiting downstairs." ….
Surprised at her affluence, then , quite obviously, she is full of surprises , some not quite so pleasant as others.
Wound my way down the spiral staircase with her .. gave her some money. .never watched as she walked away from the house, into the night.
Cynthia had never said one word, not one muscle of her body had moved, not so much as the flicker of a eyelid.
Without doubt, she thought a great deal.
The Predator
Aura , as so very many other young ladies… Willing to stand up….. or lie down…anything.. for one of those………… evidently
Casablanca/Pattaya/Bucuresti.. nothing changes.
A Sad reflection on Society
He also promised Aura "Love and Marriage" She, heavily into promises.. Omitted, as so many other men do, to fill her in on the facts ..having a wife and three children, the same age as Aura. That he was a alcoholic, eight pints every day, minimum .. Aura defended him, saying she "did not mind" That he also had a "Boyfriend" Aura considerably shaken at this. I knew people who knew him, even rang them for Aura to hear the truth for herself.. she still would not believe it ..what is my problem ? She discovered it all, ultimately…
Waited, what appeared to be a very long silence.. then throwing the whole pent up package at her.. pointing out how she had attacked even her two flat mates for giving the German the low down.. Maybe they tired of covering for her ..becoming apparent, everyone, including the people immediately surrounding her, were tired of Aura and her tricks ..her lies, her fantasies, Tricky Aura, a very close second to the other tricky bitch, Raluca.
Nothing against the German ..he, a nothing.
Nothing more than he appears to be.. A predator.. Nothing against anyone on this Planet other than those who have attempted to turn me over. Aura now falls into this category. No one has ever succeeded in fucking Peter.. not altogether. I may look stupid.. Do think a lot…. Aura tried really hard to screw me, even the last night before my departure for U.K. she had me waltzing round the stores… said all that …
Casablanca/Pattaya/Bucuresti.. nothing changes.
A Sad reflection on Society
He also promised Aura "Love and Marriage" She, heavily into promises.. Omitted, as so many other men do, to fill her in on the facts ..having a wife and three children, the same age as Aura. That he was a alcoholic, eight pints every day, minimum .. Aura defended him, saying she "did not mind" That he also had a "Boyfriend" Aura considerably shaken at this. I knew people who knew him, even rang them for Aura to hear the truth for herself.. she still would not believe it ..what is my problem ? She discovered it all, ultimately…
Waited, what appeared to be a very long silence.. then throwing the whole pent up package at her.. pointing out how she had attacked even her two flat mates for giving the German the low down.. Maybe they tired of covering for her ..becoming apparent, everyone, including the people immediately surrounding her, were tired of Aura and her tricks ..her lies, her fantasies, Tricky Aura, a very close second to the other tricky bitch, Raluca.
Nothing against the German ..he, a nothing.
Nothing more than he appears to be.. A predator.. Nothing against anyone on this Planet other than those who have attempted to turn me over. Aura now falls into this category. No one has ever succeeded in fucking Peter.. not altogether. I may look stupid.. Do think a lot…. Aura tried really hard to screw me, even the last night before my departure for U.K. she had me waltzing round the stores… said all that …
Monday 15th January. 10.a.m.
Sit here in Beller.. silent.. A vague percussion from a street drill somewhere. Very cold.. Vague thoughts of Aura.
Drifted last night down the other end of town, her end ..her deserted street.. her house.. A silent Sunday evening.. the soft swish of trolley busses .. silent people disappearing into the silent labyrinths of existence.
Stood solitary opposite her entrance as had done in other places at other times, other female faces.. Nothing ever changes…
Finally rang the intercom.. the other girl answered , the young, small, quiet one, the one deeply interested in her clitoris…frequently examining it with a mirror. A charming young woman. Last saw her , my last evening with Aura ..she had been stitched up by her "employer" refused to give her wages on some pretext, leaving the girl on the verge of starvation. She in bed that evening.. Gave Aura $40 to give her, which brought a faint smile to her existence..
Whatever, Cyn and I ..Lord and Lady Dunnabunk, sitting here in the warm sanity.. gently laid back, gently sipping our drinks.. impervious of the World outside, beneath, around us…
Looked at Aura through the glass, knew she was agitated.. invariably is whenever she arrived at Beller, always left smiling.
This time round, rather imagined it would be different..
Asked her through the glass to calm down .
Let her in .. she almost unrecognizable, noticeably aged.. the attractive, handsome, young woman I had created, now like a taxi which had been left lying about in a yard, neglected.
With confidence, could say I was not responsible for this aging apparition, sitting crouched on the sofa.. the one we had spent so many hot,, erotic nights together on. Did it to herself, aided and abetted by some other man, who hardly had the interest in her I had so consistently shown…for what… ultimately? A sharp, cowardly, stab in the back. But this is life, I, of all people on this Planet, not in any position to remonstrate. Deep down , all along, aware of the inevitable coming, in what form, I did not know .. had no wish to know… having hidden myself within her.
But her sudden, open contempt ! a strong move, equal to any woman . A very big surprise for Peter …..indeed.
Hardly had any grounds for satisfaction with her situation now, to see fifteen months of my work, my love, gone up so very quickly… in smoke. Had not the slightest intention of bringing her back to life, as Cynthia and I had done last spring when she came here on her knees with tears, anguish, hands clasped in supplication.
Cynthia, silent, still.. a sphinx.. ..A tiger snake poised, watching a rabbit .
Stood by the stove, warming my backside, perhaps hoping Aura would say something interesting.. knew she would not. Simply, softly, said she had been in hospital for ten days, that she was to see a psychiatrist…..
Another bloody Susan..
Said very loudly, she did not need a psychiatrist ..she needed to go back to Church on her knees and ask God or whomever there may be in this Universe to forgive her, her treachery, her arrogance and contempt for other human beings.
She muttered on, almost incoherently… How the German had "Pushed Her' in his frustration, his discovery of her double life.. but he had nothing to be indignant about, only coming to Romania to see what women he could pick up on the cheap, as so many other men do, especially those who work for airlines. He conveniently working for Lufthansa, came here every few weeks with his boyfriend, both only paying 10% of the fare, he also paid nothing for the incessant bombardment of telephone calls he made to Aura.. controlling her every movement, night and day, on her mobile. Lufthansa picked up that tab… knowingly or otherwise. Hardly know why she stood all that aggravation.. stood the three card trick apparently .. for a promise.. of..
A Passport to the West.
Did not bother to answer her soft voice.. walked away into the night… back to Cynthia ..who, as always , as ever, was waiting
After my Sunday night stroll, not really surprised at Aura appearing at the door the following evening…some people call it telepathy, or was it perhaps, the repercussions of the photograph I sent her of a certain young, naked lady, holding Aura's favorite toy.. was it that ?…. maybe.
Drifted last night down the other end of town, her end ..her deserted street.. her house.. A silent Sunday evening.. the soft swish of trolley busses .. silent people disappearing into the silent labyrinths of existence.
Stood solitary opposite her entrance as had done in other places at other times, other female faces.. Nothing ever changes…
Finally rang the intercom.. the other girl answered , the young, small, quiet one, the one deeply interested in her clitoris…frequently examining it with a mirror. A charming young woman. Last saw her , my last evening with Aura ..she had been stitched up by her "employer" refused to give her wages on some pretext, leaving the girl on the verge of starvation. She in bed that evening.. Gave Aura $40 to give her, which brought a faint smile to her existence..
Whatever, Cyn and I ..Lord and Lady Dunnabunk, sitting here in the warm sanity.. gently laid back, gently sipping our drinks.. impervious of the World outside, beneath, around us…
Looked at Aura through the glass, knew she was agitated.. invariably is whenever she arrived at Beller, always left smiling.
This time round, rather imagined it would be different..
Asked her through the glass to calm down .
Let her in .. she almost unrecognizable, noticeably aged.. the attractive, handsome, young woman I had created, now like a taxi which had been left lying about in a yard, neglected.
With confidence, could say I was not responsible for this aging apparition, sitting crouched on the sofa.. the one we had spent so many hot,, erotic nights together on. Did it to herself, aided and abetted by some other man, who hardly had the interest in her I had so consistently shown…for what… ultimately? A sharp, cowardly, stab in the back. But this is life, I, of all people on this Planet, not in any position to remonstrate. Deep down , all along, aware of the inevitable coming, in what form, I did not know .. had no wish to know… having hidden myself within her.
But her sudden, open contempt ! a strong move, equal to any woman . A very big surprise for Peter …..indeed.
Hardly had any grounds for satisfaction with her situation now, to see fifteen months of my work, my love, gone up so very quickly… in smoke. Had not the slightest intention of bringing her back to life, as Cynthia and I had done last spring when she came here on her knees with tears, anguish, hands clasped in supplication.
Cynthia, silent, still.. a sphinx.. ..A tiger snake poised, watching a rabbit .
Stood by the stove, warming my backside, perhaps hoping Aura would say something interesting.. knew she would not. Simply, softly, said she had been in hospital for ten days, that she was to see a psychiatrist…..
Another bloody Susan..
Said very loudly, she did not need a psychiatrist ..she needed to go back to Church on her knees and ask God or whomever there may be in this Universe to forgive her, her treachery, her arrogance and contempt for other human beings.
She muttered on, almost incoherently… How the German had "Pushed Her' in his frustration, his discovery of her double life.. but he had nothing to be indignant about, only coming to Romania to see what women he could pick up on the cheap, as so many other men do, especially those who work for airlines. He conveniently working for Lufthansa, came here every few weeks with his boyfriend, both only paying 10% of the fare, he also paid nothing for the incessant bombardment of telephone calls he made to Aura.. controlling her every movement, night and day, on her mobile. Lufthansa picked up that tab… knowingly or otherwise. Hardly know why she stood all that aggravation.. stood the three card trick apparently .. for a promise.. of..
A Passport to the West.
Did not bother to answer her soft voice.. walked away into the night… back to Cynthia ..who, as always , as ever, was waiting
After my Sunday night stroll, not really surprised at Aura appearing at the door the following evening…some people call it telepathy, or was it perhaps, the repercussions of the photograph I sent her of a certain young, naked lady, holding Aura's favorite toy.. was it that ?…. maybe.
Letter to Aura
London;
November. 28th; 2000.
My Dear Aura;
I have every reason to believe you are living with the German while I am here working .
One understands and indeed expects a young attractive woman to have the occasional liaison at a party.. a few drinks.. you enjoy that.. but your move, a carefully calculated deception, beautifully conceived, even the day prior to my departure , not the slightest foot wrong on your part, allowing me to buy you a complete winter wardrobe, including the leather coat you always wanted.
All arrangement made with him on his last trip to Bucuresti.. when you were " Visiting your mother" and of course via the indispensable mobile phone ..another gift to you from me
The situation now evidently fully developed. Meeting lovingly at the airport, (the day of my departure) holding hands, wining, dining, laughing, walking talking, making plans for other times other places.. The future..
A "Love affair". But , of course, this is the way the World goes round……Thailand, in the snow.. what difference ?
Thought I would just mention this….
Peter.
November. 28th; 2000.
My Dear Aura;
I have every reason to believe you are living with the German while I am here working .
One understands and indeed expects a young attractive woman to have the occasional liaison at a party.. a few drinks.. you enjoy that.. but your move, a carefully calculated deception, beautifully conceived, even the day prior to my departure , not the slightest foot wrong on your part, allowing me to buy you a complete winter wardrobe, including the leather coat you always wanted.
All arrangement made with him on his last trip to Bucuresti.. when you were " Visiting your mother" and of course via the indispensable mobile phone ..another gift to you from me
The situation now evidently fully developed. Meeting lovingly at the airport, (the day of my departure) holding hands, wining, dining, laughing, walking talking, making plans for other times other places.. The future..
A "Love affair". But , of course, this is the way the World goes round……Thailand, in the snow.. what difference ?
Thought I would just mention this….
Peter.
Nun for you and nun for me
Had rather a interesting confrontation with that young woman a couple of days ago.. A particularly hot evening, about 4.p.m. Glorious…
Never been to Aura's home, abode.. where she stayed, where she supervised these other young ladies, the house belonging to some Germans, they quite pleased to have Aura run it for them .
Often, over the long period of time I have know Aura, had heard stories, yet always kept discreetly away from the premises, hardly worried me. Have been kept away from, shall we perhaps say, better places, a mere detail in the arrangement she and I had.
This particular afternoon started thinking, little else too do, Cyntia having triggered the idea of popping round previously, she being rather cute at indirectly wynding people up. Made me think, maybe I should drop by, see what does transpire, what does go on, if anything.
Peter put his shorts on, his "Pattaya" singlet, his gold braided "Tottenham" supporters hat, bare feet other than for sandals .. black glasses..
Dresses for the beach, apparently. Quite brown now ..all over.. dressed in almost nothing. Looked good, felt up to the occasion, which I knew it was going to be.
Called the cab, showed him the bit of paper, useless trying to pronounce these streets.
Personally, like Bucharest cabs ..taking your life in your hands every second of the way, the overriding factors being it is extremely cheap and I am not driving…A change for me to sit in the back seat, which I always do.
So, sat in the back seat, put my feet up, made myself quite comfortable, hung tightly on to the handrail above the door, lucky this time there was one.. usually they are broken off, the doors actually closed fully.. Not the faintest echo of the Public carriage office and the Hackney carriage rules and regulations.. quite refreshing
The Taxi inspectors at Penton street would have a group heart attack if they saw this lot of rotting metal hurtling about the boulevards.
Set out on our journey through the pot holes, through the trams, the buses, veering through the cars the hooting and the honking.. the mad rush to oblivion. The driver successfully fought his way through, as they all do, James Bond fashion, regardless of my asking him to take it easy, I, in no particular hurry. My few words of Romanian.. totally ignored .. Foot down, hand on the horn. This piece of protracted excitement, travelling across town, cost me just over a pound sterling, gave him a couple of bob on top, he, most grateful .
Arrived, the driver did the business at the door ringing, evidently the wrong bell, as there was no answer. Thought, well I will hang about, nothing else too do.. he left leaving me posing on the doorstep in my very brief attire. Waited about half an hour.
Aura had mentioned having a Nun stay with her, I always fancied a drop of nun.. "Nun for you and nun for me"… how the story goes.. Wondered what manner of Nun she was.. complete with a mobile phone and a penchant for Jack Daniel's whisky, must be interesting..
Lo and Behold.. along comes a nun in full rig, she not knowing me from bar of soap, I standing in front of the street door, she opened it, followed her in, gave me a funny look, followed her to the lift, gave me another funny look, muttered something, muttered a few words back, pointing upwards towards God, which no doubt consoled her.. Stepped out the same landing as herself, now she quite worried this naked man, in her terms, perhaps pursuing her, maybe believing her luck had changed, who knows what a nun thinks?? When I stood by the same door as she, she became very worried, anyway the door was opened. .there was someone there, as said, the cab driver had rung the wrong bell. Consternation ! Aura not there. .her friend whom I assumed was the girl friend of the Swiss man I heard so very much about, who had received so much money, she gave me a strange look, the nun gave me a strange look…
Asked for Aura, said she was not there, said I would wait and gave every indication of doing so indefinitely.
With that they invited me in into a strange room, in a time warp, furniture at least fifty years old.. clearly nothing had been touched.. neat and tidy.. Large terrace which I went and sat on.. A drink materialized.. the usual 90 % proof stuff.. firewater nothing less. .quite usual in Romania.
Had a few sips, knowing full well they would tip Aura off on the mobile phone I had given her. Peter was there ..never fear.. They disappeared, I sat, looking at the landscape.
Eventually recovering their composure, Aura no doubt informing them I would not bite.. invited me in, another drink.
Now quite comfortable.. few drinks, chatting the birds.. Peter's forte..
Asked the girl, in all innocence, about her "Swiss" man. She came back "What Swiss man !?" Here we go.. Peter thought ..strange.. "You are Auras' friend.. the one she has Known since childhood??" Yes, she was, however, her boy friend, she insisted, was a "Turk" Rather the other end of the spectrum.." Oh…!"
Never said anything more. The nun disappeared. She had been hit by a car, quite seriously damaging her eye.. so very dangerous cars in Bucharest.. no compensation, peanuts.. about all..
Sat there, almost naked as far as these ladies were so obviously concerned . Did have my heavy silver bracelet with the names of all my known children, which offset the inclination of looking at me as if I were some hooligan.
Aura made her breathless, dramatic appearance just as I was getting into the swing of things .
To say she was giving me black looks in no way described her demeanor. If she had a knife she would , I say without hesitation, have stabbed me that instant, that split second in time, when our eyes met.
She removed, somewhat brusquely, my dark glasses in order to get a much better look at me, maybe believing looks could kill. Peter refusing to be ruffled by this display on her part and put the glasses, quite deliberately back on his face.
Apparent the last person she wanted to see in that apartment was Peter. I had already jumped to that obvious conclusion .. enjoying the situation immensely..
From the "Off" known, for whatever reason, Peter had to be kept under wraps , however , here he was, bold, bold as a bowler hat on a Bradford millionaire, sitting quite comfortably, pumping her friend… Still of the opinion Aura's previous.. a Greek.. was still lurking around in his BMW.
Well, we shall see now..
kids stuff….. we know.
Enjoyed it, which is the criterion in my life now… whether or not anything amuses me and it does take rather a lot to do so.
Quite casually, started the ball rolling with …..
"Where is the young lady ..your friend whom you have told me so very much about.. the one who has the "Swiss Man " the man who gives her $12.000 as if it were mere bagatelle!!!
"I do not have any other men" this reply through the tears.. "So why are you crying your eyes out.."
Now really starting to shout and I can do so extremely loudly, loud enough for people to come out on their verandahs, no discretion here, no twitching net curtains "Crying because I lied to you"
"Well, you would not be the first woman to do that or quite conceivably, the last"
Most women lie to Peter, quite a common characteristic for females to lie, even the most devoutly religious ones ..as found to my cost. It is part of the female .
"So why did you concoct such a elaborate story which continued for months??
" I don't know" she said lamely
As Raluca, she went very strange just before sticking the knife in and stole a apartment from me.
On the face of it I had obviously driven Aura mad as have done with the other female faces. All the women ever encountered have cracked in one way or the other.. so it must be Peter. Know I am no good. No! will not go to heaven.
When it comes to women, they simply cannot handle it, must be something about me.. not playing by the rules..
By now, quite a audience, said to Fanny "if you do not tell me now, this instant what is going on and stop sniveling, I will shout louder.." We had taken the situation out to the edge of the terrace. Glorious evening, people becoming quite engrossed in this clearly mad foreigner.. this ancient old man shouting at the young woman.
As my mother, the more she was told to "Shut Up" the louder she shouted, she never gave a toss for anyone. Only the Blacks eventually intimidated and humiliated her, broke her, as so many other old ladies.
Why should I shut up?? have looked after the girl as if she were wife, mistress, princess, daughter, …..granddaughter, which she could be.. simply not the slightest grounds for fucking me about ..story of Peter.
Had every right to know what is going on in the young woman's life, away from myself, when she did not show, feel I am not unreasonable .
By now the girl like a piece of wet rag, all her arrogance, independence, determination if you like, ebbed away as quickly as the tide on Maldon Flats.
Said to her 'Going to stay here until the Greek shows up, like a good fight.. not had one for ages'
"I have no Greek.. he is in England "she insisted.. "How do I know that?? you are capable of telling me anything which comes into your head ..which you think may fit your plan. Yes, I do know what you told me about the Greek, you also told me your girlfriend had a Swiss boyfriend…giving her $12000 a time.…"
Had to rub it in, anyway the little drama had dragged on for about two hours, I getting tired and bored, had my evenings entertainment.
Tried to wynd the situation down.
"Hardly know what to say in these cases, never know what there is too say, what can be said?.. No answer on this Planet, do not ask me for one. As most females, you, consciously or otherwise, revel in being a enigma, a mystery.. What are you all about!? ..why tell me such intricate stories..? hardly run away with the idea you are different from any other woman, because you are not"
Started to consider my situation.. how many 71 year old men have 23 year old birds?? With that thought decided to ease off further, poor bitch..
Why concern myself why? Why she came out with such a fanny of a story, so much conviction attached to it.
Thought of one or two other stories I had been told by other female faces, told with so much earnestness, so much conviction.
I shut up.
No longer interested, very tired.. needed a drink, needed to go back to the comparative sanity of Cynthia, someone who so far has not gone quite off her rocker, has come pretty close to it on occasions. She possess this fierce determination to hold on to Peter and evidently her sanity at all costs, do not know why, disregarding his wanderings, his misplaced attitudes, his lack of respect for society and the people in it, herself on occasions. All this she totally ignores, acts at times, as if Aura is part of the family, other times, she is slightly more the other way. Whatever, the situation, so far as she is concerned… Nothing too much trouble.. twenty four hours a day.. every day. Naturally, now wanting to return to Cynthia on my weary horse, weary of charging at windmills, needing the comfort of a "Home" .
By now the situation had subsided, Aura going down in the lift with me, I also thinking more practically… of her beautiful naked body in bed and the way she can use it….
She told the cab driver the directions, plenty on my mind without attempting the Romanian language.
Saw I had recovered, now more pliable, looking at her breasts, falling the way all women wish all men to fall ..hostage to their charms, their mystery, aware I had not taken too much real interest in her little lies, saw also, her own position had completely changed, the "Cat out of the bag".. having to admit the truth to her friends.
God knows what fanny, what fairy stories she had told them about the "Englishman". Probably I was "Prince Charming", twenty four years old, had three camels and two Mercedes, for all I know..
All out in the open now .. she working her way through University………Okay..
My parting shot.
"Better have a shower, straighten your face out, change your knickers, come round about nine………"
Drifted away.
An evenings' entertainment.. something..
Had little intention of mentioning to Cyn, would only be ammunition for her to throw at me, not directly.. simply sniping at the opportune moment, as indeed every woman, a inherent capability.. biding their time.. then shooting straight when one is unprepared.
Naturally she is not entirely happy with the situation, although it suits her sometimes.. My, shall we say "girlfriend" living with us occasionally. Then we all have our problems. I making it quiet clear when she married me, would still play my small games, this she readily concurred to.
If she tries to become respectable now, slippers by the fire. nodding my evenings away in the armchair.. loses her fetish for the whip, the chains and the handcuffs. Watching me watching the legs go by, watching the breasts go by……in other arms, in other situations… bizarre conceivably, in other people's terms.
Too late, Peter will never change, not going to "succumb" as Susan would say, almost went down with that trollop.. have no intention of changing or shutting up to suit anyone, why should I?
"No one keeps me ..!" As my mother would say acidly, with some bitterness, some venom.
End of another little story.
That was it ! she suddenly broke down into sobs and gasps, all the belligerence and venom, turning to water. Collapsed within herself ..said she had lied.. I said "Fucking sure you have" my voice beginning to gain momentum. I usually speak too softly for most people. Said to her "Had this situation long before you were born, before your mother was born," so I came straight out with it asking "So where's the geezer!!"
Aura came round.. very demure, had a little food, a little red wine..
Bed.
A long night, which she spent most of gently crying in my arms, nothing was going to console her, as if a child ……..as my children..
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"There'ya are, sport.. There'ya go."
….. As they would remark in "Orstrilia".
August. 6th; 2000. …. Jennifer's Birthday……
3.30.a.m…. Jennifer's time.
Never been to Aura's home, abode.. where she stayed, where she supervised these other young ladies, the house belonging to some Germans, they quite pleased to have Aura run it for them .
Often, over the long period of time I have know Aura, had heard stories, yet always kept discreetly away from the premises, hardly worried me. Have been kept away from, shall we perhaps say, better places, a mere detail in the arrangement she and I had.
This particular afternoon started thinking, little else too do, Cyntia having triggered the idea of popping round previously, she being rather cute at indirectly wynding people up. Made me think, maybe I should drop by, see what does transpire, what does go on, if anything.
Peter put his shorts on, his "Pattaya" singlet, his gold braided "Tottenham" supporters hat, bare feet other than for sandals .. black glasses..
Dresses for the beach, apparently. Quite brown now ..all over.. dressed in almost nothing. Looked good, felt up to the occasion, which I knew it was going to be.
Called the cab, showed him the bit of paper, useless trying to pronounce these streets.
Personally, like Bucharest cabs ..taking your life in your hands every second of the way, the overriding factors being it is extremely cheap and I am not driving…A change for me to sit in the back seat, which I always do.
So, sat in the back seat, put my feet up, made myself quite comfortable, hung tightly on to the handrail above the door, lucky this time there was one.. usually they are broken off, the doors actually closed fully.. Not the faintest echo of the Public carriage office and the Hackney carriage rules and regulations.. quite refreshing
The Taxi inspectors at Penton street would have a group heart attack if they saw this lot of rotting metal hurtling about the boulevards.
Set out on our journey through the pot holes, through the trams, the buses, veering through the cars the hooting and the honking.. the mad rush to oblivion. The driver successfully fought his way through, as they all do, James Bond fashion, regardless of my asking him to take it easy, I, in no particular hurry. My few words of Romanian.. totally ignored .. Foot down, hand on the horn. This piece of protracted excitement, travelling across town, cost me just over a pound sterling, gave him a couple of bob on top, he, most grateful .
Arrived, the driver did the business at the door ringing, evidently the wrong bell, as there was no answer. Thought, well I will hang about, nothing else too do.. he left leaving me posing on the doorstep in my very brief attire. Waited about half an hour.
Aura had mentioned having a Nun stay with her, I always fancied a drop of nun.. "Nun for you and nun for me"… how the story goes.. Wondered what manner of Nun she was.. complete with a mobile phone and a penchant for Jack Daniel's whisky, must be interesting..
Lo and Behold.. along comes a nun in full rig, she not knowing me from bar of soap, I standing in front of the street door, she opened it, followed her in, gave me a funny look, followed her to the lift, gave me another funny look, muttered something, muttered a few words back, pointing upwards towards God, which no doubt consoled her.. Stepped out the same landing as herself, now she quite worried this naked man, in her terms, perhaps pursuing her, maybe believing her luck had changed, who knows what a nun thinks?? When I stood by the same door as she, she became very worried, anyway the door was opened. .there was someone there, as said, the cab driver had rung the wrong bell. Consternation ! Aura not there. .her friend whom I assumed was the girl friend of the Swiss man I heard so very much about, who had received so much money, she gave me a strange look, the nun gave me a strange look…
Asked for Aura, said she was not there, said I would wait and gave every indication of doing so indefinitely.
With that they invited me in into a strange room, in a time warp, furniture at least fifty years old.. clearly nothing had been touched.. neat and tidy.. Large terrace which I went and sat on.. A drink materialized.. the usual 90 % proof stuff.. firewater nothing less. .quite usual in Romania.
Had a few sips, knowing full well they would tip Aura off on the mobile phone I had given her. Peter was there ..never fear.. They disappeared, I sat, looking at the landscape.
Eventually recovering their composure, Aura no doubt informing them I would not bite.. invited me in, another drink.
Now quite comfortable.. few drinks, chatting the birds.. Peter's forte..
Asked the girl, in all innocence, about her "Swiss" man. She came back "What Swiss man !?" Here we go.. Peter thought ..strange.. "You are Auras' friend.. the one she has Known since childhood??" Yes, she was, however, her boy friend, she insisted, was a "Turk" Rather the other end of the spectrum.." Oh…!"
Never said anything more. The nun disappeared. She had been hit by a car, quite seriously damaging her eye.. so very dangerous cars in Bucharest.. no compensation, peanuts.. about all..
Sat there, almost naked as far as these ladies were so obviously concerned . Did have my heavy silver bracelet with the names of all my known children, which offset the inclination of looking at me as if I were some hooligan.
Aura made her breathless, dramatic appearance just as I was getting into the swing of things .
To say she was giving me black looks in no way described her demeanor. If she had a knife she would , I say without hesitation, have stabbed me that instant, that split second in time, when our eyes met.
She removed, somewhat brusquely, my dark glasses in order to get a much better look at me, maybe believing looks could kill. Peter refusing to be ruffled by this display on her part and put the glasses, quite deliberately back on his face.
Apparent the last person she wanted to see in that apartment was Peter. I had already jumped to that obvious conclusion .. enjoying the situation immensely..
From the "Off" known, for whatever reason, Peter had to be kept under wraps , however , here he was, bold, bold as a bowler hat on a Bradford millionaire, sitting quite comfortably, pumping her friend… Still of the opinion Aura's previous.. a Greek.. was still lurking around in his BMW.
Well, we shall see now..
kids stuff….. we know.
Enjoyed it, which is the criterion in my life now… whether or not anything amuses me and it does take rather a lot to do so.
Quite casually, started the ball rolling with …..
"Where is the young lady ..your friend whom you have told me so very much about.. the one who has the "Swiss Man " the man who gives her $12.000 as if it were mere bagatelle!!!
"I do not have any other men" this reply through the tears.. "So why are you crying your eyes out.."
Now really starting to shout and I can do so extremely loudly, loud enough for people to come out on their verandahs, no discretion here, no twitching net curtains "Crying because I lied to you"
"Well, you would not be the first woman to do that or quite conceivably, the last"
Most women lie to Peter, quite a common characteristic for females to lie, even the most devoutly religious ones ..as found to my cost. It is part of the female .
"So why did you concoct such a elaborate story which continued for months??
" I don't know" she said lamely
As Raluca, she went very strange just before sticking the knife in and stole a apartment from me.
On the face of it I had obviously driven Aura mad as have done with the other female faces. All the women ever encountered have cracked in one way or the other.. so it must be Peter. Know I am no good. No! will not go to heaven.
When it comes to women, they simply cannot handle it, must be something about me.. not playing by the rules..
By now, quite a audience, said to Fanny "if you do not tell me now, this instant what is going on and stop sniveling, I will shout louder.." We had taken the situation out to the edge of the terrace. Glorious evening, people becoming quite engrossed in this clearly mad foreigner.. this ancient old man shouting at the young woman.
As my mother, the more she was told to "Shut Up" the louder she shouted, she never gave a toss for anyone. Only the Blacks eventually intimidated and humiliated her, broke her, as so many other old ladies.
Why should I shut up?? have looked after the girl as if she were wife, mistress, princess, daughter, …..granddaughter, which she could be.. simply not the slightest grounds for fucking me about ..story of Peter.
Had every right to know what is going on in the young woman's life, away from myself, when she did not show, feel I am not unreasonable .
By now the girl like a piece of wet rag, all her arrogance, independence, determination if you like, ebbed away as quickly as the tide on Maldon Flats.
Said to her 'Going to stay here until the Greek shows up, like a good fight.. not had one for ages'
"I have no Greek.. he is in England "she insisted.. "How do I know that?? you are capable of telling me anything which comes into your head ..which you think may fit your plan. Yes, I do know what you told me about the Greek, you also told me your girlfriend had a Swiss boyfriend…giving her $12000 a time.…"
Had to rub it in, anyway the little drama had dragged on for about two hours, I getting tired and bored, had my evenings entertainment.
Tried to wynd the situation down.
"Hardly know what to say in these cases, never know what there is too say, what can be said?.. No answer on this Planet, do not ask me for one. As most females, you, consciously or otherwise, revel in being a enigma, a mystery.. What are you all about!? ..why tell me such intricate stories..? hardly run away with the idea you are different from any other woman, because you are not"
Started to consider my situation.. how many 71 year old men have 23 year old birds?? With that thought decided to ease off further, poor bitch..
Why concern myself why? Why she came out with such a fanny of a story, so much conviction attached to it.
Thought of one or two other stories I had been told by other female faces, told with so much earnestness, so much conviction.
I shut up.
No longer interested, very tired.. needed a drink, needed to go back to the comparative sanity of Cynthia, someone who so far has not gone quite off her rocker, has come pretty close to it on occasions. She possess this fierce determination to hold on to Peter and evidently her sanity at all costs, do not know why, disregarding his wanderings, his misplaced attitudes, his lack of respect for society and the people in it, herself on occasions. All this she totally ignores, acts at times, as if Aura is part of the family, other times, she is slightly more the other way. Whatever, the situation, so far as she is concerned… Nothing too much trouble.. twenty four hours a day.. every day. Naturally, now wanting to return to Cynthia on my weary horse, weary of charging at windmills, needing the comfort of a "Home" .
By now the situation had subsided, Aura going down in the lift with me, I also thinking more practically… of her beautiful naked body in bed and the way she can use it….
She told the cab driver the directions, plenty on my mind without attempting the Romanian language.
Saw I had recovered, now more pliable, looking at her breasts, falling the way all women wish all men to fall ..hostage to their charms, their mystery, aware I had not taken too much real interest in her little lies, saw also, her own position had completely changed, the "Cat out of the bag".. having to admit the truth to her friends.
God knows what fanny, what fairy stories she had told them about the "Englishman". Probably I was "Prince Charming", twenty four years old, had three camels and two Mercedes, for all I know..
All out in the open now .. she working her way through University………Okay..
My parting shot.
"Better have a shower, straighten your face out, change your knickers, come round about nine………"
Drifted away.
An evenings' entertainment.. something..
Had little intention of mentioning to Cyn, would only be ammunition for her to throw at me, not directly.. simply sniping at the opportune moment, as indeed every woman, a inherent capability.. biding their time.. then shooting straight when one is unprepared.
Naturally she is not entirely happy with the situation, although it suits her sometimes.. My, shall we say "girlfriend" living with us occasionally. Then we all have our problems. I making it quiet clear when she married me, would still play my small games, this she readily concurred to.
If she tries to become respectable now, slippers by the fire. nodding my evenings away in the armchair.. loses her fetish for the whip, the chains and the handcuffs. Watching me watching the legs go by, watching the breasts go by……in other arms, in other situations… bizarre conceivably, in other people's terms.
Too late, Peter will never change, not going to "succumb" as Susan would say, almost went down with that trollop.. have no intention of changing or shutting up to suit anyone, why should I?
"No one keeps me ..!" As my mother would say acidly, with some bitterness, some venom.
End of another little story.
That was it ! she suddenly broke down into sobs and gasps, all the belligerence and venom, turning to water. Collapsed within herself ..said she had lied.. I said "Fucking sure you have" my voice beginning to gain momentum. I usually speak too softly for most people. Said to her "Had this situation long before you were born, before your mother was born," so I came straight out with it asking "So where's the geezer!!"
Aura came round.. very demure, had a little food, a little red wine..
Bed.
A long night, which she spent most of gently crying in my arms, nothing was going to console her, as if a child ……..as my children..
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"There'ya are, sport.. There'ya go."
….. As they would remark in "Orstrilia".
August. 6th; 2000. …. Jennifer's Birthday……
3.30.a.m…. Jennifer's time.
Radu Beller Sunday, May 14, 2000…….4:57 PM
Been a very hot day, did precisely nothing, Cyn went to Church and returned sometime late this afternoon, suited me, her disappearing with her friends.
Woke this morning very early, knew it would be a nothing day, wished I could skip this particular twenty four hours, make it Monday morning as , perhaps , so many other people, find Sundays a drag. Okay back in London.. about this time get in the cab, drift down to the Royal Oak see all the surviving faces, have my tea, have my chat, go out ..drift down Edgware road in the evening sunlight, see who is who, what is what, wait for the first nonchalantly waving hand, usually a couple of young, smart Arabs, wanting the short ride down to the Hilton, a start to the evenings work, they mostly give over the odds.
Beginning to see quite clearly, my period of Clapton Common and the Cab trade was not the horror story I always believed it to be. .not after having so much empty time to simply sit and watch other people's lives from the inside, after being on the outside all those years, crawling in the gutters, which cannot be disputed, no more than that.
Now time ticks interminably.. my initial reaction to this morning was to get on a plane and go home.. do a long Sunday with Barry.. the day he goes to town in a very big way.. forget the other six. Sunday for him is a fifteen hrs.. every Sunday.. written elsewhere about him, how the life has left its mark on him his eyesight.. Work and its consequences can be more appealing to simply sitting about as King Farouk, as I do…not quite rotting away, because I do find plenty to occupy myself with ..it would be easy simply to let go as Cyntia would like …do nothing, turn into a cabbage.. her looking after every, my slightest whim and need...I becoming simply a nothing... Have not lived for so long to let that happen, If I am going to die, wish to die either in the arms of two or three young women, or at the wheel, probably round Russel square. Not as one of my friends, still driving at eighty two, driving home late one night to Brighton, if you don’t mind, he pulled over for a sleep.. the cab and himself squashed like box of tomatoes by a heavy lorry ..the driver fallen asleep ..my friend never knew what hit him .. a good way to go
It possibly sound extreme but being "retired' is akin to living in a padded cell, regardless of glimpses of life here I have portrayed. As also said, there are very many men who would like to be in my position.. anyway…… will "shut up" as Aura always demands of me…afraid I may start shouting ..she becoming tremulous……
Woke this morning very early, knew it would be a nothing day, wished I could skip this particular twenty four hours, make it Monday morning as , perhaps , so many other people, find Sundays a drag. Okay back in London.. about this time get in the cab, drift down to the Royal Oak see all the surviving faces, have my tea, have my chat, go out ..drift down Edgware road in the evening sunlight, see who is who, what is what, wait for the first nonchalantly waving hand, usually a couple of young, smart Arabs, wanting the short ride down to the Hilton, a start to the evenings work, they mostly give over the odds.
Beginning to see quite clearly, my period of Clapton Common and the Cab trade was not the horror story I always believed it to be. .not after having so much empty time to simply sit and watch other people's lives from the inside, after being on the outside all those years, crawling in the gutters, which cannot be disputed, no more than that.
Now time ticks interminably.. my initial reaction to this morning was to get on a plane and go home.. do a long Sunday with Barry.. the day he goes to town in a very big way.. forget the other six. Sunday for him is a fifteen hrs.. every Sunday.. written elsewhere about him, how the life has left its mark on him his eyesight.. Work and its consequences can be more appealing to simply sitting about as King Farouk, as I do…not quite rotting away, because I do find plenty to occupy myself with ..it would be easy simply to let go as Cyntia would like …do nothing, turn into a cabbage.. her looking after every, my slightest whim and need...I becoming simply a nothing... Have not lived for so long to let that happen, If I am going to die, wish to die either in the arms of two or three young women, or at the wheel, probably round Russel square. Not as one of my friends, still driving at eighty two, driving home late one night to Brighton, if you don’t mind, he pulled over for a sleep.. the cab and himself squashed like box of tomatoes by a heavy lorry ..the driver fallen asleep ..my friend never knew what hit him .. a good way to go
It possibly sound extreme but being "retired' is akin to living in a padded cell, regardless of glimpses of life here I have portrayed. As also said, there are very many men who would like to be in my position.. anyway…… will "shut up" as Aura always demands of me…afraid I may start shouting ..she becoming tremulous……
The Belgium Man with the Satellite Position Finder
A Belgian friend of mine finaly left here this morning.
In the course of the previous 24hrs, he disposed of his secretary, general dogs body, sleeping partner, a most charming, intelligent young woman of nineteen, sent her home, put her on the train.
From that moment, yesterday lunch time, with Aura and I sitting here with him.. seeing quite clearly thriough his quite insensitive manouvre , as the young, tearful lady most certainly did, he wanting the opportunity to partake of "greener fields" before flying home to his old woman and the dog, He never stopped calling in his quest , the whole of Romania…simply to find someone else to sleep with for the one remaining night. Have not seen such a performance with a man since my days of Thailand, however, he did take us to lunch, more as a gesture towards Aura whom he could barely stop from touching, her long legs inches from him.
We went in a stretched limousine, to a rather smart restaurant overlooking the lake at Herastrau park, he, still on the telephone and smoking inordinately. Looked at me, looked at Aura, still having the greatest difficulty in keeping his hands off. For nothing he had already given her a most expensive piece of facial make up, Aura being Aura, immediately priced it, concluding it was about a million Lei.. Big money in Bucharest.
He smiled uncertainly, I smiled back. Aura slowly, deliberately, recrossed her legs at him.
Not too much sympathy for a man who wants a woman, but too intolerant of them basically, too full of himself, completely without any conception of the patience/kindness required.
I finaly said
"Well maybe you had better talk to Cynthia.."
The master of all ceremonies, can conjure up people out of a hat.
Rang her, asked if she could, would help a man in his desperation, tried not to let the smile come out with the words.. he needs someone to sleep with…tonight.. now, immediately, instantly.. Cynthia being Cynthia said without any hesitation .."of course".
Walked along by the lake waiting for the car, Aura and I hand in hand ,such a glorious afternoon, felt about eighteen years old.
My friend looked at us, he had hardly recovered from the fact of my age, always imagined I was the same as he.. early fifties.. Here was this old man, this ancient mariner with this quite "beautiful woman".. his remark.. strolling, totally entwined, she, quite obviously loved him, quite obviously having his interest only, quite obviously her calculator switched off.
No, there is something many other men have never learnt.. other, simple ways besides the Swiss man's $12000, my friend's $100 notes, a lap top computer and mobile phone. "The" price he is willing to pay for "love", to dispel his impatience, his urgency, his deep sense of isolation, to dispel that ultimately, he is ..we are…… alone
Quite sad, nevertheless the reality of this existence
Why Pattaya is so washed out now. All the young ladies, completely and utterly after the Big Buck and only that … the gentle kindness, the soft smile of my time out there….. gone forever.
Drifted round to Cynthia's placed of work. Lo and behold, she had come up with Lisa, nineteen years old, the age the man specified. A attractive country girl with a sharp metropolitan outlook, living, so far as I could see, entirely on her wits, a credit to her. Unfortunately it did happen to be the young lady's time of the month.. what can be said.?
He? .. he ignored this aspect of life and pressed relentlessly ever onwards, pursuing her round my apartment, such as it is, hid myself on the computer. Cyn and Aura went off somewhere, leaving him to watch her trying to clean herself up.. no limits so far as he was evidently concerned, no 'decorum' as my father would have said.
After a couple of hours he had evidently given up, she departing, smiling , no doubt having had a prize of some consideration, her little twist was to ask me, in all innocence, quite casually in front of him, when I would be available to do some nude photography of her.. She quite impressed with my collection of the past. hanging about the walls. His face rather fell at this riposte, he having to fly out, not allowed, no time to be a voyeur
The drama, far from finished, the moment Lisa wound her way down the stairs, it was phone out, ringing a lady whom he had never met, only on the Net.. she living on the Black sea, Constanta, three hours by train and it was now five p.m. After some gentle talk by our friend, never a clue as the pressure, the desperation hidden .. Yes he would meet her, a blind date at Gara De Nord railway station, 9.30.p.m. which he did, I having to accompany him, he pacing up and down the concourse, still smoking like a chimney ,now looking considerably the worse for wear, both worried and haggard.
It had been for him, a long, frustrating, very hot day. For my part, in my nakedness, had achieved quite a good colour all over, disregarding the spot of skin cancer I had picked up in Stevenage, a fall out from the Chernobyl fiasco'.
After innumerable looks at his watch he impatiently rang her on his mobile, she answered standing next to him, thought this amusing.. contact in the twenty first century.. not waiting outside the Pavilion picture house Mare street in the pouring rain .Turned out, she, a very handsome looking woman, about twenty two, all the right things in all the right places. Not had sex since her husband was killed in a car smash twelve months previous, so it turned out. Evidently my friends' persistence had paid off rather well. The lady looking naturally nervous also quite tired having just left work after a 48 hour shift at a internet café, 280 hrs a month for $62 less tax.. can't be bad???.
After the excitement and the train journey, not fully awake. In McDonalds where we all trooped, difficult for her to remain with eyelids open.. Her brother had come as a chaperone or whatever, both speaking excellent English. All three looked at each other in expectation. Decided would prefer to go home and go to bed, which I did, leaving them to it.
Midnight, thereabouts, knock at the door, they needed a cork screw. Two bottles of wine without a corkscrew. Peter being obliging which he can occasionally be … The brother, having been, no doubt, suitably reimbursed, had caught the midnight train back.
My friend and the young lady sat in the almost silent evening on the terrace, even the dogs had shut up. Stars glittered , a cool, comfortable night.
Now it had finaly come to the crunch, my man had gone almost into reverse. Now no rush to put this young lady in the huge brass bed which only creaked if people were really carried away.. wondered if it would creak later, she could hardly keep her eyes open, poor cow . Left them to it.
This morning they emerged at 9.a..m she looking rather delicious "Like a strawberry waiting to be licked" My comment to Cynthia, A very brief, almost transparent bright green dressing gown. I sufficiently impressed to somewhat surreptitiously give her our phone number.
But she was "Off" without any doubt.. obviously quite disenchanted with our man. "No thank you" to breakfast.. Simply wanting to escape, if that is the word, which she did within twenty minutes.
He smiled at the situation, attempting to bluff it out, saying, without the slightest conviction "She loves me really.". thought, "please yourself".
No sooner had she wound herself down the spiral staircase, the cab door slammed, than our man had whipped his mobile out and begging one of his local reserves to escort him to Otopeni airport. Well what can I say about that? Entertaining if you like, the man is at least human, generous. His performance, his sex drive, quite remarkable, so comparatively late in life.
He went away to his wife and dog, perhaps belatedly , perhaps somewhat sadly.. alone, with regret, leaving the lovely ladies of Romania, looking at me, my life style in the Sun, waited on like King Farouk. Knowing I was not going to go jetting off, continually checking the GSM global position finder which he carries about in his pocket and has it on the table in front of him when sitting down, possibly worried the World will move without his knowledge. Concerned, one morning, that our position in space had moved thirty metres!!
Aura, very quick thinking woman she is, asks, when my hands start to wander, asks if I need a position finder ? should she maybe buy me one for Xmas……
So he departed, ruefully, if you like, as when men leave Pattaya, leave the girls, leave other men with them ..by the pool in the iridescent sunlight, the soft laughter, the tinkle of glasses, the clatter of coffee cups, the splash of clear, warm water.
Shook my hand, climbed into the cab …..drove away, gone. Cynthia gone, I left alone in peace.
Silence, other than for the barking dogs.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
In the course of the previous 24hrs, he disposed of his secretary, general dogs body, sleeping partner, a most charming, intelligent young woman of nineteen, sent her home, put her on the train.
From that moment, yesterday lunch time, with Aura and I sitting here with him.. seeing quite clearly thriough his quite insensitive manouvre , as the young, tearful lady most certainly did, he wanting the opportunity to partake of "greener fields" before flying home to his old woman and the dog, He never stopped calling in his quest , the whole of Romania…simply to find someone else to sleep with for the one remaining night. Have not seen such a performance with a man since my days of Thailand, however, he did take us to lunch, more as a gesture towards Aura whom he could barely stop from touching, her long legs inches from him.
We went in a stretched limousine, to a rather smart restaurant overlooking the lake at Herastrau park, he, still on the telephone and smoking inordinately. Looked at me, looked at Aura, still having the greatest difficulty in keeping his hands off. For nothing he had already given her a most expensive piece of facial make up, Aura being Aura, immediately priced it, concluding it was about a million Lei.. Big money in Bucharest.
He smiled uncertainly, I smiled back. Aura slowly, deliberately, recrossed her legs at him.
Not too much sympathy for a man who wants a woman, but too intolerant of them basically, too full of himself, completely without any conception of the patience/kindness required.
I finaly said
"Well maybe you had better talk to Cynthia.."
The master of all ceremonies, can conjure up people out of a hat.
Rang her, asked if she could, would help a man in his desperation, tried not to let the smile come out with the words.. he needs someone to sleep with…tonight.. now, immediately, instantly.. Cynthia being Cynthia said without any hesitation .."of course".
Walked along by the lake waiting for the car, Aura and I hand in hand ,such a glorious afternoon, felt about eighteen years old.
My friend looked at us, he had hardly recovered from the fact of my age, always imagined I was the same as he.. early fifties.. Here was this old man, this ancient mariner with this quite "beautiful woman".. his remark.. strolling, totally entwined, she, quite obviously loved him, quite obviously having his interest only, quite obviously her calculator switched off.
No, there is something many other men have never learnt.. other, simple ways besides the Swiss man's $12000, my friend's $100 notes, a lap top computer and mobile phone. "The" price he is willing to pay for "love", to dispel his impatience, his urgency, his deep sense of isolation, to dispel that ultimately, he is ..we are…… alone
Quite sad, nevertheless the reality of this existence
Why Pattaya is so washed out now. All the young ladies, completely and utterly after the Big Buck and only that … the gentle kindness, the soft smile of my time out there….. gone forever.
Drifted round to Cynthia's placed of work. Lo and behold, she had come up with Lisa, nineteen years old, the age the man specified. A attractive country girl with a sharp metropolitan outlook, living, so far as I could see, entirely on her wits, a credit to her. Unfortunately it did happen to be the young lady's time of the month.. what can be said.?
He? .. he ignored this aspect of life and pressed relentlessly ever onwards, pursuing her round my apartment, such as it is, hid myself on the computer. Cyn and Aura went off somewhere, leaving him to watch her trying to clean herself up.. no limits so far as he was evidently concerned, no 'decorum' as my father would have said.
After a couple of hours he had evidently given up, she departing, smiling , no doubt having had a prize of some consideration, her little twist was to ask me, in all innocence, quite casually in front of him, when I would be available to do some nude photography of her.. She quite impressed with my collection of the past. hanging about the walls. His face rather fell at this riposte, he having to fly out, not allowed, no time to be a voyeur
The drama, far from finished, the moment Lisa wound her way down the stairs, it was phone out, ringing a lady whom he had never met, only on the Net.. she living on the Black sea, Constanta, three hours by train and it was now five p.m. After some gentle talk by our friend, never a clue as the pressure, the desperation hidden .. Yes he would meet her, a blind date at Gara De Nord railway station, 9.30.p.m. which he did, I having to accompany him, he pacing up and down the concourse, still smoking like a chimney ,now looking considerably the worse for wear, both worried and haggard.
It had been for him, a long, frustrating, very hot day. For my part, in my nakedness, had achieved quite a good colour all over, disregarding the spot of skin cancer I had picked up in Stevenage, a fall out from the Chernobyl fiasco'.
After innumerable looks at his watch he impatiently rang her on his mobile, she answered standing next to him, thought this amusing.. contact in the twenty first century.. not waiting outside the Pavilion picture house Mare street in the pouring rain .Turned out, she, a very handsome looking woman, about twenty two, all the right things in all the right places. Not had sex since her husband was killed in a car smash twelve months previous, so it turned out. Evidently my friends' persistence had paid off rather well. The lady looking naturally nervous also quite tired having just left work after a 48 hour shift at a internet café, 280 hrs a month for $62 less tax.. can't be bad???.
After the excitement and the train journey, not fully awake. In McDonalds where we all trooped, difficult for her to remain with eyelids open.. Her brother had come as a chaperone or whatever, both speaking excellent English. All three looked at each other in expectation. Decided would prefer to go home and go to bed, which I did, leaving them to it.
Midnight, thereabouts, knock at the door, they needed a cork screw. Two bottles of wine without a corkscrew. Peter being obliging which he can occasionally be … The brother, having been, no doubt, suitably reimbursed, had caught the midnight train back.
My friend and the young lady sat in the almost silent evening on the terrace, even the dogs had shut up. Stars glittered , a cool, comfortable night.
Now it had finaly come to the crunch, my man had gone almost into reverse. Now no rush to put this young lady in the huge brass bed which only creaked if people were really carried away.. wondered if it would creak later, she could hardly keep her eyes open, poor cow . Left them to it.
This morning they emerged at 9.a..m she looking rather delicious "Like a strawberry waiting to be licked" My comment to Cynthia, A very brief, almost transparent bright green dressing gown. I sufficiently impressed to somewhat surreptitiously give her our phone number.
But she was "Off" without any doubt.. obviously quite disenchanted with our man. "No thank you" to breakfast.. Simply wanting to escape, if that is the word, which she did within twenty minutes.
He smiled at the situation, attempting to bluff it out, saying, without the slightest conviction "She loves me really.". thought, "please yourself".
No sooner had she wound herself down the spiral staircase, the cab door slammed, than our man had whipped his mobile out and begging one of his local reserves to escort him to Otopeni airport. Well what can I say about that? Entertaining if you like, the man is at least human, generous. His performance, his sex drive, quite remarkable, so comparatively late in life.
He went away to his wife and dog, perhaps belatedly , perhaps somewhat sadly.. alone, with regret, leaving the lovely ladies of Romania, looking at me, my life style in the Sun, waited on like King Farouk. Knowing I was not going to go jetting off, continually checking the GSM global position finder which he carries about in his pocket and has it on the table in front of him when sitting down, possibly worried the World will move without his knowledge. Concerned, one morning, that our position in space had moved thirty metres!!
Aura, very quick thinking woman she is, asks, when my hands start to wander, asks if I need a position finder ? should she maybe buy me one for Xmas……
So he departed, ruefully, if you like, as when men leave Pattaya, leave the girls, leave other men with them ..by the pool in the iridescent sunlight, the soft laughter, the tinkle of glasses, the clatter of coffee cups, the splash of clear, warm water.
Shook my hand, climbed into the cab …..drove away, gone. Cynthia gone, I left alone in peace.
Silence, other than for the barking dogs.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Same story... different context
31st. March.2000.
Time drifts on. In three days I will be 71 years old. Yesterday, had a fight with my, girlfriend aged 22, the first major one we've had…so far.
She here this morning in the brilliant Sunlight, on her knees in tears and supplication, The experience left me stressed and coughing. Shuffled up to the shops in my carpet slippers to find Cynthia , told her to deal with the situation, which she did quietly and calmly….. Only when Aura refused to leave did I become aggressive, reverting to being a "Cab Driver".. my own survival.
Aura had run true to form as other female faces in my life, had built her up, she, turned round and tried to kick me for whatever reason women have, missed and fell flat on her face, after throwing the street door keys at me as if they were a engagement ring.
This morning ….. a totally different Aura.
Not the strength to go back to her outstretched arms, gently wipe the tears away……..Something had conceivably, happened to her while I was in London, rolling round the ragged streets.. perhaps the fact her girl friend has hit the Jackpot with a Swiss gentleman in so far as he has given her $12000 in the bank and $2000 in her hand, so I am told. Same story as Thailand.. but men are stupid everywhere when it comes to buying the kaleidoscope of "love…" when it comes to between the legs.. young, hot, long, legs.
This, one does not mind, understands, but it really screws it up for the minority, the more sane, controlled characters, when others are so anxious, so eager, so in such a rush to pay so much for so few moments placation of a vague, relentless desire, need, want… To have and to hold another being, regardless of the shallow uncertainty, the perhaps coldness of the brief encounter, the escape from the daily drudgery ..the implacable wife, the demanding, remorseless children, the walking the dog, away from the house, the home… the endless repetition of nothing.
Aura, maybe, impressed.. all this indicated affluence, this sudden, incredible wealth, in her terms, obtained so easily…apparently. Simply some attentive listening required, a encouraging smile, short skirt, crossed, long legs…. This relentless urge in men, so easily exploited. This sudden realization of life, changed my simple country girl.. opened her eyes wide to distinct other possibilities.. besides nine to five… Maybe .
As said so many times..
" No man will ever know what a woman is thinking, what she is conniving"
So what is new ?? wrote the same story, almost word for word, different context in Book 1.. 30 years ago.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Time drifts on. In three days I will be 71 years old. Yesterday, had a fight with my, girlfriend aged 22, the first major one we've had…so far.
She here this morning in the brilliant Sunlight, on her knees in tears and supplication, The experience left me stressed and coughing. Shuffled up to the shops in my carpet slippers to find Cynthia , told her to deal with the situation, which she did quietly and calmly….. Only when Aura refused to leave did I become aggressive, reverting to being a "Cab Driver".. my own survival.
Aura had run true to form as other female faces in my life, had built her up, she, turned round and tried to kick me for whatever reason women have, missed and fell flat on her face, after throwing the street door keys at me as if they were a engagement ring.
This morning ….. a totally different Aura.
Not the strength to go back to her outstretched arms, gently wipe the tears away……..Something had conceivably, happened to her while I was in London, rolling round the ragged streets.. perhaps the fact her girl friend has hit the Jackpot with a Swiss gentleman in so far as he has given her $12000 in the bank and $2000 in her hand, so I am told. Same story as Thailand.. but men are stupid everywhere when it comes to buying the kaleidoscope of "love…" when it comes to between the legs.. young, hot, long, legs.
This, one does not mind, understands, but it really screws it up for the minority, the more sane, controlled characters, when others are so anxious, so eager, so in such a rush to pay so much for so few moments placation of a vague, relentless desire, need, want… To have and to hold another being, regardless of the shallow uncertainty, the perhaps coldness of the brief encounter, the escape from the daily drudgery ..the implacable wife, the demanding, remorseless children, the walking the dog, away from the house, the home… the endless repetition of nothing.
Aura, maybe, impressed.. all this indicated affluence, this sudden, incredible wealth, in her terms, obtained so easily…apparently. Simply some attentive listening required, a encouraging smile, short skirt, crossed, long legs…. This relentless urge in men, so easily exploited. This sudden realization of life, changed my simple country girl.. opened her eyes wide to distinct other possibilities.. besides nine to five… Maybe .
As said so many times..
" No man will ever know what a woman is thinking, what she is conniving"
So what is new ?? wrote the same story, almost word for word, different context in Book 1.. 30 years ago.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Bucharest, Tuesday, February 29, 2000 ….2:46 .p.m
A very warm day….. sitting here looking at the words.
Out and about this morning with Cynthia. Aura left us at the University, deciding she had better show her face, although she should have been there at eight a.m. What is her problem? Not quite realizing she is off the hook, no longer having to fear falling by the wayside. . back to the cow shed and the village, tried to impress this on her, hardly the case even before we met. Young, intelligent, attractive woman who has never failed a exam, never had any help or hand outs, having worked her way to the front via scholarships and her own efforts. The trouble, being lack of confidence and naturally, finance, her scholarship allowance being 700.000 lei a month ( $ 38) with the threat of, if failing even one exam, loosing that princely sum. No good looking to her parents, (Her mother earns less than $2 a day in the fields..12 hours….. You want to believe it. Aura's wrist is permanently damaged after wielding a scythe in the fields from dawn to dusk …….from the age of ten.)
The experience of her early existence, drained and intimidated Aura in many respects, still having to struggle, to find some occupation, even cleaning, the strain showing quite clearly that day we all inadvertently met in the rain
Rather a different person now. . having been through the Peter process.. Sir Galahad evidently still not quite dead, slightly stiff perhaps, nevertheless, with some reluctance, still charging at windmills……
Sitting here, now 3.a.m. after a long day of doing nothing, always been my time, ever since Jennifer. Used to pick up Mark the from school at 3.30.p.m. and her from Churchill's club at 3.30.a.m.
Usually ring Aura about this time if she is at her home.. has become used to me, always saying very softly, “ Oh Peter why don't you sleep!” surprised, always surprised at my ringing her, as if she does not bare consideration ... reticent … hardly the word
Out and about this morning with Cynthia. Aura left us at the University, deciding she had better show her face, although she should have been there at eight a.m. What is her problem? Not quite realizing she is off the hook, no longer having to fear falling by the wayside. . back to the cow shed and the village, tried to impress this on her, hardly the case even before we met. Young, intelligent, attractive woman who has never failed a exam, never had any help or hand outs, having worked her way to the front via scholarships and her own efforts. The trouble, being lack of confidence and naturally, finance, her scholarship allowance being 700.000 lei a month ( $ 38) with the threat of, if failing even one exam, loosing that princely sum. No good looking to her parents, (Her mother earns less than $2 a day in the fields..12 hours….. You want to believe it. Aura's wrist is permanently damaged after wielding a scythe in the fields from dawn to dusk …….from the age of ten.)
The experience of her early existence, drained and intimidated Aura in many respects, still having to struggle, to find some occupation, even cleaning, the strain showing quite clearly that day we all inadvertently met in the rain
Rather a different person now. . having been through the Peter process.. Sir Galahad evidently still not quite dead, slightly stiff perhaps, nevertheless, with some reluctance, still charging at windmills……
Sitting here, now 3.a.m. after a long day of doing nothing, always been my time, ever since Jennifer. Used to pick up Mark the from school at 3.30.p.m. and her from Churchill's club at 3.30.a.m.
Usually ring Aura about this time if she is at her home.. has become used to me, always saying very softly, “ Oh Peter why don't you sleep!” surprised, always surprised at my ringing her, as if she does not bare consideration ... reticent … hardly the word
Bucuresti Friday, January 28, 2000
Seven months have passed, hardly know where, trying to compress those seven months of thought and aggravation if you like. Certainly there has been aggravation ..there have also been some rather interesting moments at the other end of the spectrum.
August… decided we were rushed and needed someone to help. After a perhaps rapid succession of young ladies who only perceived the position as a place to unload their troubles, especially to myself when Cynthia was at work. Approached in Romana one wet and windy day by this rather wild looking young woman, obviously under pressure, desperate and quite nervous, then one would hardly expect to find someone sleek and composed looking for a housekeeping job.
Still remember the encounter .. mainly the way she clenched her hands and screwed up the furrows between her eyes .. her hair had nothing to thank the weather for. walked on ..hardly interested, so far as I was concerned, Sir Galahad slightly stiff in the limbs, his armor rusty and the horse out to graze after the battering with the AndreeA affair, Intended no more damsels in distress to be rescued …thank you very much.
Cynthia hung back chatting to her in the now pouring rain.. then she always had more patience in her little finger than I have in my whole body. She deciding the girl had some possibilities having made quite plain we were not interested in her obvious troubles…. if she were interested simply to work…….. ?
Late August, decided needed a break.. needed some sun, sea and anything else which goes with it. Asked Cynthia to telephone our not quite so tense “housekeeper “ ask if she would like to go to Costinesti for a few days, the girl quickly concurring. The look on her face realizing Cynthia was not coming with us as the train slowly left Gara De Nord, she out on the platform, waving and smiling until we curved out of sight..
Anyway.. back to reality, almost completely closed the door on England, that tiny island. Escaped from that humiliation …….. from being a foreigner in my own Country.
Today, in deep white snow, went to the Yugoslav embassy, offered a couple of copies of my comments on the Kosovo fiasco..
August… decided we were rushed and needed someone to help. After a perhaps rapid succession of young ladies who only perceived the position as a place to unload their troubles, especially to myself when Cynthia was at work. Approached in Romana one wet and windy day by this rather wild looking young woman, obviously under pressure, desperate and quite nervous, then one would hardly expect to find someone sleek and composed looking for a housekeeping job.
Still remember the encounter .. mainly the way she clenched her hands and screwed up the furrows between her eyes .. her hair had nothing to thank the weather for. walked on ..hardly interested, so far as I was concerned, Sir Galahad slightly stiff in the limbs, his armor rusty and the horse out to graze after the battering with the AndreeA affair, Intended no more damsels in distress to be rescued …thank you very much.
Cynthia hung back chatting to her in the now pouring rain.. then she always had more patience in her little finger than I have in my whole body. She deciding the girl had some possibilities having made quite plain we were not interested in her obvious troubles…. if she were interested simply to work…….. ?
Late August, decided needed a break.. needed some sun, sea and anything else which goes with it. Asked Cynthia to telephone our not quite so tense “housekeeper “ ask if she would like to go to Costinesti for a few days, the girl quickly concurring. The look on her face realizing Cynthia was not coming with us as the train slowly left Gara De Nord, she out on the platform, waving and smiling until we curved out of sight..
Anyway.. back to reality, almost completely closed the door on England, that tiny island. Escaped from that humiliation …….. from being a foreigner in my own Country.
Today, in deep white snow, went to the Yugoslav embassy, offered a couple of copies of my comments on the Kosovo fiasco..
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