Dark Thoughts

But I am really buzzing over the treacherous bitch.. hardly see myself recovering for a very long time.. Conceivably, I never shall.

This dark thought has occurred to me, the slow realization of how close I had become to her, how deeply entwined, how much of my life, myself, she had abducted, absorbed. My loss of her in the night, in the darkness, in the silence, holding her so very tightly, only now this amputation becoming painfully apparent. A void appearing at my feet, a heavy palpitation in my chest.

The initial shock, taken me to my bed.. invariably my answer, Cynthia hovering about me , I having to finally admit that she is the heroin of the twentieth century and this protracted diatribe, a difficult admission after struggling for so long against reason, hardly reason when it comes to two people entwined.

After the Australian fiasco went to bed for two years, rather to the dismay of my mother who suddenly found herself confronted by a situation she did not want and a man she had not seen in a very long time and perhaps, had tried to forget.


Silent after my outburst.. my temper, after getting the knife out and throwing it on the floor in front of Aura, she, too far gone to completely appreciate this point .

Suddenly gathered herself together, looking about as if surprised to find herself once more in the so familiar apartment, the so familiar surroundings, the so familiar room.. as if waking, a long dream, saying..

"Have to go now, have a cab waiting downstairs." ….

Surprised at her affluence, then , quite obviously, she is full of surprises , some not quite so pleasant as others.

Wound my way down the spiral staircase with her .. gave her some money. .never watched as she walked away from the house, into the night.

Cynthia had never said one word, not one muscle of her body had moved, not so much as the flicker of a eyelid.

Without doubt, she thought a great deal.