Beth

Elisabeth taught over in the deaf school. The staff had to take turns at overnight duty, which meant scrubbing the children, seeing that they did not behave too much like animals, feeding them and putting them to bed. Found that after the very last glass of water and all the children had fallen finally, to sleep, my stroll on the long deserted beach, with the Sun's red rim, rapidly sinking, was the time for Elisabeth and I to meet. At first she had come out from behind the sand dunes, a small figure, bare feet, dress down to her ankles. We had simply said 'hello' and walked on past each other. She never really struck as being my scene, the only graduate in school, husband a Chinaman, a medical student, the first coloured man to be allowed to stay in the State of South Australia, this only because Beth's father had unlimited money and was a personal friend of 'Wobby' Bob Playford the Premier. Beth also knew Virginia very well, having both gone to 'the' girls college ... St. Ann's ... all much as here. There are those which are in, and those , most decidedly, out.
Always rated myself as an outsider, never let my imagination run away with me to that extent, my connection with Virginia did give me a small social standing, if that situation turns you on.
No, did not think it worth bothering with Beth, she or her family could buy or sell me with their loose change, no illusions.

Not hard to look at, rather, the way she looked back. As if in some way she knew my antecedents, knew Hackney… Morning Lane, my father on 'nights' with his good ear buried in the pillow against the buses stopping outside his window, endless banging from the box factory, but, I always possessed too much imagination. Possibly, Beth always walked about with a faintly disdainful, slightly arrogant attitude, on the rare occasions I had seen her laugh, it had been disarming. White, even teeth, swept right back into her firm, small mouth, shaking her short, fair, curly hair. For her, teaching, not for the bread, just a small hop on the social wagon… hardly needed it. The school, somewhere to escape, from the bungalow, from the two children. Nothing too ostentatious about her. Okay, so she had been well brought up, money went easily, giving her a firm, emphatic assurance, which people at the other end of the spectrum are without. But for her own reasons, she persisted, it becoming apparent our night duties coinciding with enough regularity for the whispering to start. Nothing, not the slightest thing, ever missed in that school.

The staff dining room at lunch time, the event of the day. Fourteen people sitting down to a magnificent home grown meal. The business of carving the joints being taken very seriously, only during the 'pudding' the real witticism, laced with innuendoes, started. Barry, who took the six senior blind, without any hesitation, asked Beth if she had made up the month's rosters in the same breath as asking her to pass the salt.

"Mr. Barkham did! So far as I know."

Smiled daggers back at him, momentary silence after this brief skirmish, but the incident may well been put in the school magazine.

Beth not at all sure she had liked the idea of my departing to the South East, with 'Dear Virginia'. Especially for such a comparatively long period. Perhaps she thought things between myself and my wife would improve, at her exclusion. Beth had become increasingly desperate as the months had rolled by. Her calm self-assurance would erupt in the woods, our secret place. She would scramble out of the car screaming. She was on the knife's edge. In her calmer moments, would simply go over and over the same question. 'Did I still sleep with her?' ... I always insistent that I slept out on the verandah with the Alsacian. But she became more morose as the remnants of the term dragged to an end.

Barkham made the usual school speech about nothing. Barry put on his usual square dance with the deaf children. He always managed to get their timing perfect ... my mother-in-law donated a huge Braille globe of the world. Hardly knew where she had managed to find that.

Beth gave me the look during these proceedings, disregarding her husband, talking to Virginia. We slipped into the main building, such was our madness, moving silently up the stone stairs to one of the deserted dormitories tearing one hour away from time and reality. All her self-possession had left. Never known her capable of such feeling, such emotion, wept softly, begging me not to leave, not to be left alone with Chin, whom she 'hated' ... she would give up her children, everything, if only I would leave Virginia and the kids. We would go to Sydney. I would not have to work. I could spend all my time painting.

The yellow Sun sloped through the tall arched windows leaving bright oblongs on dark polished floors.


Faintly could hear the cars starting, the children departing, the year over. Knew by now we would have been missed, eyes would be wandering, minds curious, knew somehow Beth would have to descend the short flight of steps into the quadrangle, smoothing her white dress against the afternoon breeze with her hand, a forced, faint smile from the corners of her mouth. Stood up, went to the window. Virginia below, boys clinging to her skirt. Almost everyone else gone. Beth's husband, not to be seen, going to be tight. Suddenly a sense of urgency, the dream broken. Pulled the crumpled bed straight. The dormitory silent, our whispers swirled away into the shadows of the afternoon.
Beth, shoes in her hand, went softly down the staircase. Made my way to the rear, dropping down the fire escape, had no reason to think this, in any way, would convince anyone we had not been together.. on meeting in the car park, the apparent indifference Beth and I showed to each other would be anything other than a charade.